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Title: ...Maybe the fights arent my fault... Post by: BrokeDad on July 08, 2017, 10:17:17 AM My wife has just been diagnosed with BPD after multiple breakdowns and depressive episodes. All my fault of course... .NOT
She still blames me for every blowup--- I am a "highly sensitive person" and am willing to discuss anything... .how can it be my fault that she blows up and can't continue? Title: Re: ...Maybe the fights arent my fault... Post by: Zoaron on July 08, 2017, 01:48:59 PM My wife has just been diagnosed with BPD after multiple breakdowns and depressive episodes. All my fault of course... .NOT She still blames me for every blowup--- I am a "highly sensitive person" and am willing to discuss anything... .how can it be my fault that she blows up and can't continue? Having her diagnosed as BPD is the first step. The second step, for both of you is to start to learn about it. As you learn, things will suddenly become clear as glass. This is what happened when I started reading books on the subject. I had many times when I was reading and I broke down into tears because the book was describing exactly what was happening with my life with my gf. It also described my feelings to the tee. Once you start learning, that realization that it's not your fault should set in. I'm an emotional person too and anytime a fight will happen, it still hurts the heart like anything, but with that new found knowledge, it just might hurt a little less cause you have understanding. So, be strong, and do the research. This place is a great place to get advice, get support from other nonBPDs, and to just discuss your feelings or status with your relationship. I know I'm thankful for finding this family. Title: Re: ...Maybe the fights arent my fault... Post by: waverider on July 08, 2017, 08:26:51 PM Keep in mind even though BPD is essentially and emotional disorder, it is an unstable emotional disorder. Its dosen't mean they are are emotionally sensitive to everything and everyone.
It is unstable in the sense that it is not consistent, yes they feel emotion pain much more than others, but at other times they can be emotional cripples feeling nothing when others are hurting. Hence you will always be out of sync with their extremes. A lot of their emotions are centered around meeting their immediate perceived needs, no matter how trivial or misguided. Without an ability to objectively link cause and effect they will often duck responsibility, and hence do not learn from mistakes very easily, so patterns repeat. Being blamed for something they feel they cant change, is the biggest trigger of all |