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Well, I was NC for 4-6 weeks. He is 3000 miles away and tends to follow me wherever I am living. He feels safe with me, apparently. He has many psych issues and is super bright, as well as NPD. My boundaries are that he can not stay with me in my apt not even one night. And I won't respond to any gaslighting or hateful emails.

He asked about an apartment complex here. I gave him basic info on it. My bad--I broke NC.

Today he emailed that his friend here (also a friend of mine) found him a place to housesit for a couple weeks, then he will rent an airbnb in town for the summer. Then he plans to leave (but it takes him another 6 months or more to leave usually). The housesit is a place with a cat. He is allergic to cats and has an epi-pen. Why would he agree to do that? He will get in crisis and want to stay with me--which has happened but won't happen again. I feel strong about that.

However, I live in a small town. He dislikes it here. He has no other place to go. He is free to live wherever he wants. I can't tell the guy not to come to town. But I feel I should say something. He is clear on the boundaries, but I may need to say something about whether I will see him at all, and if I do see him, what my limits are.  Ugh. 

It feels extremely weird to say I won't see him if he comes here. But that might be best. I feel shaky about that.

I want to say that I will see him only if he continues appointments with the therapist he saw once here who really seemed to get what was going on with him. Not sure that is fair of me and it means I am too involved in what he does.

What I want is to see him in a very limited way. But he is slippery and it is too easy for me to feel pressured and to cave in.

Thanks in advance for any feedback.

Anna

 

Go with what feels right and comfortable for you. Don't be pressured into anything you're not comfortable with.

When our house & home is sold towards the end of this year, my ex gf with BPD may stay on around here temporarily. I will move completely away from this area completely as it holds too many painful memories & I don't need the reminders or bumping into her like the strangers to each other we will become, my decision.