BPDFamily.com

Walk with me hypothetically:

Someone with strong BPD traits has a person in their life of the opposite sex who has been deemed by her to be the "the total package". A very strong friendship has been built and the emotional connection between the two is one of the most trusting and safest places the 'BPD' person has experienced. Endless support and consistent emotional bolstering are an everyday experience for her, not to mention a strong passion for the same career lifestyle. Ultimately, sans the illness, the ideal relationship situation in worldly terms. Throughout this, alot of potential for intimate moments occur, and signals between the two have passed, but neither has initiated that step.

One day, the step is taken by the non. The 'BPD' person refuses, stating that she is not able to sustain a romantic connection at this point in her life and that the romantic element of this dynamic is just not there. To her, she says the situation feels like a soulmate, but though she has tried within herself to to approach it this way, she just isn't able. When asked if fear is a contributing factor, she says fear is always a huge factor for her and she is confused by the situation, because everything she is looking for is right in front of her, she just can't make the romantic connection.

On the flipside - the 'BPD'S' only romantic experience is from an on/off "relationship" with another person who was mentally unstable. She states that the physical attraction was there, but there is absolutely no emotional correlate - it was a mess. The situation was very push pull on her behalf, with great periods of distancing and small encounters in between.

Question: Is it possible for the 'BPD' to switch off the romantic feelings for the non because of the emotional magnitude of their connection? Is it possible for her to be in denial about them or to inadvertently block them out? Can the attraction from the second scenario be safer ground because of the lack of emotional correlation? And let's finally say that the non only made the step in the romantic direction because of the signals that have passed between the two.

Thoughts would be appreciated!

I posted this a few yrs. ago. Written by a pwBPD, the Switch:  feelings on  -  feelings off
. 
“we” sincerely love you and “hate” you as you are then perceived not to be trustworthy.
“we” however love you still… and have a deeply hope you reach out, “we” can’t .
The more you reach out, the more “we” feel you care, the more “we” get frightened.
But hate is care, it is not indifference.
In order to avoid all that pain, “we” m u s t cut you out, as the pain of losing the one “we” love the most hurts so much more.
Remains 1 option, switch emotions off  (and move on…)

People with BPD suppress pain as feeling pain causes so much more pain.

Switch emotions off… the core was not completed, so there is no healthy way to process the feelings of losing a loved one, to grieve.
Marsha Linehans’ analogy: “People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies.
Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.”

As it is an attachment disorder, the disorder manifest itself in certain situations.

In the perception of pwBPD(traits) you are the persecutor.
You caused her pain, ultimate pain that forced her to act out of survival.
You activated her primary instinct and that is run! Away from that pain!
She was there before… she experienced it all… since her youngest years… desperately trying to be the good girl for her primary (unpredictable) caretaker…
Finally (again… for her) found the best ever happened to her… you.
Sadly (again… for her) the best failed her again, hurt her as she was hurt so many times before…

Originated by that fear of losing the so craved attachment pwBPD will desperately try to gain control over that situation in order to deflect inner turmoil, pain and fear.
Using that switch:  emotions on – emotions off
as:
I love you – I hate you!
I leave you – be there for me!
Hold me tight – but don’t touch me!
Leave me alone – don’t ignore me!
Come close, I need you – keep your distance!
Understand my needs  -   you never understand me!

Hypothetically, yes.
A BPD is always in the feelings of the moment.  Anything is possible.

Dutched explained it very well.  Yes, they can just switch off, especially when they feel engulfed or abandoned.  Two years ago, my BPD friend discarded me for the first time.  I asked her boyfriend at the time if she seemed upset at all, and he said "No. She just said you're crazy."  This was a week after I visited her in the psych ward after her suicide attempt.  I said something that triggered her, and she discarded me. 

Remember that pwBPD can't really have normal, adult conversations about serious topics.  Have an intimate conversation with them about the relationship, and they feel engulfed.  Talk to them about how you were hurt by something they said or did, and they feel abandoned.  Both will cause them to shut off their feelings and run.