BPDFamily.com

If someone is offering to pay for an apartment to get me out of the living situation that I am in why would that hurt my divorce case? No children.  It is someone in my family that is offering.

I will still be paying the mortgage, the utilities, her grocery expense, miscellaneous expense. I would take care of everything I am taking care of now I just would have my own space to go to. My lawyer is telling me that I have to stay there until mediation on sept 19.  I understood that when there was no way to support two households. I am trying to trust my lawyer on this one.


There was mediation scheduled for June 28 which got cancelled. My wife and her lawyer were stalling they lied as to why it had to be cancelled. So another mediation has been scheduled for Sept 19.

Friday my lawyer gave me an MDA form to fill out with my wife if she agreed to sit down with me and try to settle. That attempt fell apart on Saturday didn't even get to the sitting down part. Then my wife informed me Saturday that she has no money for attorney fees etc. that I will have to figure something out. I am getting help with my lawyers fees, more on that later. They just sent a check for $4000 to replenish the fund. That is aside from the $4000 I financed.

Last night my wife agreed to sit down and discuss a settlement. I showed her what I was willing to settle for. A total of $15,000 with sale of house, lump sum up front and a payment per month for 1 ½ years all equaling $15,000. No deal. She wants $58,000.  I would have laughed in her face but I did not because it was so preposterous. I have never seen anyone that feels so entitled to something that she does not deserve. She told me that I am responsible for her. I just sat there. How do you even have a conversation with someone when that is their mindset?

She has not worked a day since we have been together in 6 years.  Her mom over the course of 6 years has sent almost $58,000. She says she should get all of that back because in the end it comes out of her pocket ( her being my wife). I said what about the money that I have contributed by WORKING? roughly $280,000 or more net. Of course I don't mean that. That is how ridiculous it sounds.

I know the money sucks... .bad... .but I think you can out last her on this. 

That seems like a long time to wait for mediation.

FF

Hello byfaith,

You have no minor children in the marriage, so no custody issues. That is one of the primary reasons to not move out of the house before a custody plan is set.

Could be that your L is worried about you moving out but being on the deed. Yet you are stating that you will still be paying the mortgage to the bank directly, correct? I would think that your division of property agreement would not be affected by you moving out. Have you directly asked your L why he advises against this?

One thing that I am learning with my L and the divorce process in general is that I need to be aware of what I want and what is best for me. My L, my xw, her L - none of them really are going to do that. The more clear I am about what I want of the process, the easier it has been for me to accomplish it. For me to move out, I needed to have an agreed custody plan (even a temporary one), I needed a clear financial path that did not wreck me or the ability to pay the mortgage on our house, and I needed to find a place that was supportive enough of my children (i.e. not a shack in a rough neighborhood). Once I finally figured out what I needed, I worked out how to do it without my wife, my L, her L or anyone on our collaborative divorce team. I proposed my plans and demanded alternatives if objections were raised. Prior to that, I was jumping to do whatever anyone suggested, and none of it was working.

What is it that you need?

Maybe it is a bargaining chip, I'll move out if you agree to... .whatever.  I would ask your Attorney what the strategy is.

Panda39