BPDFamily.com

  I just woke up after having sad dream... .it is just after midnight. I did not take my ambien which usually allows me to sleep without bad dreams... .usually nightmares.
  In my dream,  I was walking around locking doors in my home that I lived in by myself (not my real home, some strange unknown house). Next thing I knew,  I was trying to drive at night with my Mom in the car and I was so sleepy, I couldn't drive. I kept having to pull over and when I would put my foot on the break, it just wouldn't stop the car completely. I told my Mom I was sorry that I just couldn't drive. I was too tired. We pulled over in some town by a big brick building and parked. I almost hit the wall. We ended up walking around a town and walked through a lower level of a basement grocery store and as we left there was music playing that the words were, "you're the only one I want". I started crying and this person next to me in a blue wool navy coat put his arm around me and walked with me. I kept sobbing saying I missed my ex. I asked who had their arm around me and I looked up and it was my nephew. We kept walking and I woke up sobbing for real.
  Sometimes I think dreams are full of thoughts that you have in your head. I live alone (not the house in the dream). My sister is coming 300 miles tonight to get her daughter to move her up near her. I will be totally alone with no family near by. I think the town I was walking in was the town where my sister lives and family are, because I was just up there. The grocery store was the basement of the store we went in, which was the name brand my ex worked in. Oddly, I recently went into the one he used to work at when we were together and they were playing our song right when I walked in! I couldn't believe it, because I rarely go there now, too painful for me. My chiropractors secondary doctor in his office was in the Navy and she had an ex that was a psychopath. She gave me a great helpful book to read. My nephew is in allot of trouble with the law right now and needs a dual treatment center for help. I believe he is similar to my ex. He just checked into a hospital for suicidal thoughts and driving into a ditch with my parents car for the second time. He took it without asking. I think the car meant something about slowing down and being unable to stop- maybe unable to stop thinking about my ex. I am so tired... .really, really tired. Life has been so difficult lately dealing with my elderly parents, work, back trouble, people, friends with bad problems, my families issues and the continued court cases with my ex. Allot of unhappiness around me lately. I had hoped after two and a half years apart, I would have been over this now. I just wanted to jot this down and share, since it shows, we really do continue to have PTSD from these relationships. I think I will go ahead and take my ambien and try again. I wish I could get off of these things, but I just don't want to keep having bad dreams and waking up crying all the time. Funny how my ex did this when we were married. He had nightmares and talked in his sleep... .I wonder how much of their symptoms rub off on us?