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Title: Another EXCELLENT video Post by: jinglebells1989 on July 15, 2017, 11:36:05 PM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHNYlYuaxcY&t=2373s
Therapist describing all four cluster b personalities. Biggest takeaway for me here is the CONTROL factor in the behavior of those with Cluster b PD. They're either a perpetrator or a victim BUT never a healthy adult who you can have a conversation with about give/take in a relationship. They have reptile brains. Title: Re: Another EXCELLENT video Post by: gotbushels on July 16, 2017, 03:04:17 AM Yes, there is an element of lack of control with some of the disorders. Give and take can be especially difficult with such people. What does that mean for you, if you're talking to someone using more of the instinctive part of their brain rather than the other parts?
Title: Re: Another EXCELLENT video Post by: roberto516 on July 16, 2017, 08:15:42 AM Yes it's very much about control. Even in "nons" (every human in general) it's all about control. But yes, I have a strong urge to be in control but it doesn't stop me from giving to someone else and allowing myself to be completely out of control of the situation.
For example, I'm very financially responsible and in the beginning I'd give my two cents on the fact she couldn't save any money. What did I end up doing? I realized I was trying to control her and so I stopped. She'd say things like "aren't you mad I keep buying this or that?" And I'd just tell her "no I'm not. It's your money." And i really did stop caring. It's a no win. Eventually, in a healthy relationship built in mutial love, both partners have to give up a part of themselves. Despite what my ex thinks, deep down I know the truth is that she ended things because she wasn't in control. To go from "can you come over one day" to "I don't want a relationship" 12 hours later was because I wasn't going to play her game anymore. I was hurt and wanted some validation that she understood the pain I was going through. The recycle ended when I told her we should stick to her plan of wanting a weekend apart. When I agreed she changed her mind and I still suggested we do self care that weekend. Next day she woke up and ended it again. She wasn't in control of me anymore. She finally stopped pursuing her ex before me when she knew I was available as a replacement but she started pursuing me because he had given her a "list" of things she had to change. In hindsight I bet those things he needed were completely valid. But for her, he was putting his foot down and not allowing himself to be controlled anymore. I'm sure it's a recurring pattern for her. It's a shame really. As much as this destroyed me I take pride in knowing that I did give up a part of myself and really went all in with my love. One day, if I choose to love again, I know I'm capable of it. Title: Re: Another EXCELLENT video Post by: jambley on July 16, 2017, 10:37:02 AM I was in a severely controlling relationship. My advice is to RUN. They are dangerous pathetic bullies. RUN.
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