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My sister has been creating problems in my life and in the family forever.
I swing between estrangement then wanting to try to have a relationship with her and then going back to estrangement mainly for self preservation.
She's controlling and impossible to please.  Things only go well if you're doing exactly what she says.  We are now trying to care for our elderly, divorced parents.Needless to say,
it is a constant drain compounded with having to deal with my sister's
relentless harping on how she thinks things should be done.  Sadly, I want to pack it in and not deal with her at all.

Tough situation to be in,  even more so given your parents.  If you "packed it in" how would this affect your ability to support your parents? Is there a Golden Child and Scapegoat dynamic going on here as well,  or do your parents tend not to take sides,  even if they may have mollified your sister for so long (I'm guessing)?

How is she controlling?

I actually have been able to care for my parents without contact with my sister in the past.  It's actually easier for me albeit the pressure from my parents to resume contact with her.  They don't really mollify her.  They argue with her too and then I get phone calls from all of them when there is an argument trying to involve me.  It's exhausting and I am so weary of it.

She controls by being relentless and never taking no for an answer.  She harps if what she wants done isn't done.  She changes her mind after plans have been made and expects everyone to understand.  She asks questions to the point that you feel under interrogation and a lot of the questions are inappropriate and then gets mad if you don't want to answer.  She uses the information she gets to use against you in the future.  She holds grudges for years, doesn't ever forgive but after she's done something wrong she will call like it didn't happen.  I don't want to be estranged from my only sibling but I also don't want to constantly dread her calls and feel anxious after them. 

louie I got exhausted just reading your dilemma.  I am sorry you are going through this.  Caring for elderly (divorced) parents that are alone is so hard and tiring.  When we are compounded with our disordered siblings trying get involved it can be twice the trouble.  I was just in your place back in April, May and present is better, he has a caregiver.  BPD and NPD always want to be the center of attention.  They make everything about them, at least that is what I have learned from my dBPD sis whom has many NPD traits.  I am NC now and as sad as it is at least my life is lower drama.  She is relentless, as I am sure they all are.  Hang in there and keep posting!

Thanks for your supportive words, pina colada.  As of now, I'm in that awful position of not knowing what reaction I'm going to get when next I talk to my sister.  I told her no on something she asked me to do and while she took the answer well at the time, I have the feeling she's angry because I denied her.
She does not like any request denied.  I'm usually accused of being selfish.
In the meantime, she has a husband that's retired and has plenty of time to do her bidding.  I just don't want to contact her but she's had surgery in the last month and I feel obligated to call to see how she is.  I don't want to be NC but I'm much less stressed when I am.  She is constantly in a fight with someone and that's all the conversation centers on.  All negativity all the time.  Hard to give her any feedback as I don't agree with most of what she says and then I feel as if I'm preaching.  It's never a relaxed, friendly talk.  So tired of it all.