BPDFamily.com

My first inkling my sister was seriously ill came two decades ago when she was 25 or so. She has robbed my mother and I blind since then but mother claims its b/c she doesn't know difference between right and wrong b/c of BPD. I should add while she usually only steals from her mom, her son and I, she did go to prison for stealing $8000 worth of jewelry from a local store. Fortunately, that woman, the shop keeper, had the guts to press charges. Thus far, I have not reported anything to police b/c my mother sits on county committees and has contacts she'd use to surpress my reports and also b/c mom has told me I wouldn't have a family if I proceeded charging my sister. So on and on it goes. Conservatively, my sister has stolen $400,000 in stocks, checks, credit cards she's used and others she's opened up and maxed out, jewelry pawned, etc., from my mother and almost as much from me. And neither of us can afford it.

One of the most chilling episodes--and one of the first--happened 20 years ago at Chuck e Cheese of all places! My daughter's bday party was there; it was a Friday evening and on my way I stopped at my bank's drive thru to get some cash. I had just gotten paid via direct deposit that day but I also had a large line of credit in place as I had just bought a house which needed some work. I was beyond shocked when I was told I had NO MONEY in my accounts. None. And it was too late to talk to a manager as they'd all left at 5 on that Friday evening.

I had to get to the party and fortunately had a credit card to use but was fairly confused and sick to my stomach. The FIRST PERSON to greet me was my sister. I explained the situation and she smiled and said "Oh that happens to me all the time. It's a problem with the bank's computers. If you need money, I'll be glad to loan you some."

And then Monday came 'round and I learned that my sister had taken a checkbook out of my safe and written more than 100 checks in five days--all made out to her with my signature forged--in amounts ranging from $150-$5,000. (I admit I was not the best at going online and reconciling my checkbook daily; once a month was about it. That's changed.). She couldn't say what she'd spent the money on, my mother railed on ME for not keeping track of my money, and round 1 of my sister's attack on my assets ended up with her taking $35,000. And she didn't care!

Does anyone else with a family member with BPD have an experience like this? If so, how do you handle it? If I bring a theft up, even if it happened just days ago, my sister "can't handle the guilt trips," and my mother "can't deal with the fighting between you two girls." Fighting? She makes it sound like my sister borrowed my prom dress w/o asking... .! This is a whole different plane. I'm fighting for financial solvency!

My uBPD/NPD mother and sister steal in non traditional senses of stealing. They rationalize it because they don't view it as stealing.

They do it because it gives them a sense of power to get away with it. They do it because they're entitled a&&holes. They always have arrogant smirks on their faces when they get away with it. They'd steal candy from a baby and not think twice.

I'd love to give examples, but it might put my anonymity in peril. I'll give a general one. If a store clerk accidentally handed my mother a $20 instead of a $10, and as a child I innocently said something, she'd have that wild evil raging look in her eyes, as she threatened me to shut up. Sometimes she'd hit my arm hard or kick me to shut up.

We were raised to be perfect behaving little robots, but the rules didn't apply to her. I got in trouble for the littlest things. But here she is doing all these unethical things and some bordering on criminal.

She's also expected us kids to steal for her at our jobs. In small ways but it was stealing nonetheless, and she could certainly afford to have paid. My sister is just like her now.

When I was young, I witnessed my mother asking doctors in her nicey-nice voice to put the visit under insurance in a way that would ensure she'd get reimbursed. I want to vomit at this memory.    There was no reason for it other than to get away for it.

Another general example I can give. When we were young and traveled on vacation, my mother wanted to not have to pay for me. She would absolutely terrorize me and threaten me to shut the hell up and lie about my age if I was asked by motel desk clerks or museum admission people, etc. It was extremely scary. She said it in an extremely threatening tone of voice. Money means everything to her.

If we happened to be driving up and back from Canada, she'd "joke" with me about telling the boarder patrol guard that I was not her daughter. I was very young and so didn't understand that type of twisted humor. Yes I was sensitive but if you haven't experienced the sick, evil, twisted, sardonic humor of a borderline parent, do not judge. She did it to be passive aggressive because she always hated me and wished I was never born.

Why do I still let these sick people in my life?

I just wanted to apologize. My reply was hopefully a little validating that yes, these people steal without remorse. I wish I was able to say something more helpful.

Your situation is awful and you should not have to put up with your own sibling stealing a lot of money from you like that. Nor should you have to put up with your mother enabling her, and twisting things around. I wish I had advice or suggestions to give you, but I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing. Just know I'm thinking of you, and I hope someone else here has helpful advice for you.