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Title: Hardest thing I've been through in years Post by: misshim on July 17, 2017, 02:11:45 PM I have been dating a wonderful man long distance for the past six months. He's had lots of adversity in life. When he was a young man, he was diagnosed with BPD. I don't want to put his personal info on the internet, but he was a victim of a scam artist when he was 21 years old. He married her after knowing her for a short amount of time. They weren't married very long.
That was over ten years ago, and his family has told me that I'm the first long term relationship he's had since that happened. I miss him. We got in the stupidest fight, and he broke up with me. He's an amazing man. He tries so hard to keep his emotions in check and tries to hard to avoid drama. I haven't heard from him in about a month. I'm trying to give him his space. I wrote him a letter and told him that I would always love him, but I needed to work on myself. I also have my own demons. What should I do? I would like for us to work out. I know that he loves me and misses me. That's just a gut feeling. In May, I had a miscarriage. All of this just hurts so much. Can anyone give me some advice? Do I give up hope? I know that time is my only ally now. Time sucks though. Title: Re: Hardest thing I've been through in years Post by: Idsrvt2 on July 17, 2017, 02:57:34 PM Welcome, this is a great place to post... it got me thru some of my worst days.
I'm sorry you are here though as I would not wish this on anyone. Is your partner in therapy or was he in therapy after his divorce ? If not he has a lot of stuff that he really needs to work through and adding BPD to the mix that won't be an easy task. I'm sorry I don't have much input as I'm fairly new as well... just four months out. Title: Re: Hardest thing I've been through in years Post by: hopealways on July 17, 2017, 08:24:23 PM Borderlines don't respond well if you are the one reaching out.
They need to initiate and they need time, sometimes many months, sometimes years, sometimes hours. They are predictably unpredictable. You lose power when reaching out and you trigger their engulfment fears. Let him miss you, that's all that works. In the meantime, evaluate your relationship and why you were attracted to him. Title: Re: Hardest thing I've been through in years Post by: misshim on July 24, 2017, 10:46:13 PM Welcome, this is a great place to post... it got me thru some of my worst days. Thank you. I'm sorry you're dealing with this as well. I'm sorry you are here though as I would not wish this on anyone. Is your partner in therapy or was he in therapy after his divorce ? If not he has a lot of stuff that he really needs to work through and adding BPD to the mix that won't be an easy task. I'm sorry I don't have much input as I'm fairly new as well... just four months out. He was in therapy for alcoholism years ago. He still drinks at night. He isn't in therapy now. I've been doing things to work on myself, but I still miss him tremendously. Title: Re: Hardest thing I've been through in years Post by: misshim on July 24, 2017, 10:49:00 PM Borderlines don't respond well if you are the one reaching out. Despite the illness, he is an amazingly kind man. I haven't reached out to him anymore though. I've been doing things to work on myself. Missing him is hard. Can you tell me more about your story? They need to initiate and they need time, sometimes many months, sometimes years, sometimes hours. They are predictably unpredictable. You lose power when reaching out and you trigger their engulfment fears. Let him miss you, that's all that works. In the meantime, evaluate your relationship and why you were attracted to him. |