BPDFamily.com

 :thought: I appreciate the little quotes I see coming up on this site about mental illness and family issues.
 Sometimes I save them by copying and pasting them into a document I keep on my computer, then go back to read once in a while when I'm having bad days and need sanity in my life.  On rare occasions I print them off and stick them up on my mirror or wall to act as reminders for a while.  They help me to feel like I'm not alone.  They make sense to me.  They provide insights that I need.  Since going no-contact with my BPD mother and trying to figure out how to maneuver around my BPD aunt, I have been trying to establish my own truth about our family's journey with mental illness (also schizophrenia, schizo-effective disorder, and depression) and the neglect and abuse that came along with it all.  As I try to figure out which friends and others in my community are safe / not safe to be around, I have struggled to tell the difference since everyone screws up or has bad days (which is not the same thing as what our family presents).  Today, I found this quote at the top of the screen to be very helpful and I am saving it... .

   "Think About It... .All parents are emotionally abusive to their children at certain times. Parents are not perfect. Emotional abuse, more than physical or sexual abuse, must be measured in terms of severity. It is deemed mild when the acts are isolated incidents; moderate when the pattern is more established and generalized; and severe when acts are frequent, absolute and categorical. ~ J. Patrick Gannon, Ph.D"

One of the biggest challenges I've had in growing up with a BPD parent (and surrounded by mentally ill family) is trying to figure out what is real or not real, what is sane or not sane, what is healthy or not healthy.  This particular quote, I am finding, is helpful in sorting that out.

Hi DaughterofHera,

Thanks for your post :)

I am glad you are finding those quotes helpful


In a way it's like we have to re-parent ourselves now that we are adults and get rid of all the faulty beliefs and twisted thinking patterns. Definitely challenging! But I do think it is achievable if we just keep at it over and over again.

Hey DaughterofHera! Thanks for this great post.

That quote *is* really helpful, especially when combatting the gaslighting that is so often used against us by our BP loved ones. While my parents are not BPs or NPs, I have been realizing a few of their methods in my childhood that have contributed to some of my maladaptive coping skills--particularly when the more restrictive parenting style used with my uBPD sister was then implemented on me as well, a really good kid who was certainly deserving of more trust than she was often afforded. It's hard to realize these things, but I still recognize that my parents are doing and did do the best they possibly could given their own coping skills (one having grown up in an Irish Catholic-French Canadian household and therefore could be better at expressing/being in touch with their feelings, the other having grown up with an alcoholic and emotionally/verbally abusive father). I am trying to be mindful of these things and reteach myself the way *I* want to comport. This becomes especially important when dealing with my sister, who has not been able to be as mindful about our parents' behaviors and often uses their example as a diversion tactic when I try to set boundaries with her or tell her that what she did upset me--"You're coming to me in anger; you sound just like Mom and Dad!"

All families have their own kind of baggage and dysfunction. But it's important to recognize patterns, and when those patterns get out of hand.

I am so glad that you are able to find resources like this website to help you cope and relearn what you wish you could have known growing up. 

Thanks folks.  One of the best things about this site is that the other members really and truly do understand since we all have been exposed to similar dynamics in dealing with our loved-ones' symptoms.  I appreciate your words and I offer return support.