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So I'm devastated again by my male BPD. Who instead of seeing me this weekend calls me and says he Picked up a woman from another country from the airport. He has only known her a week or two from a recent work trip. She is helping him clean his house today and wants him to move to Finland where she is from. He sat shes a doctor but who knows. I don't know why I am so devastated. I don't even know if I love him. I'm another notch on his failed relationship belt. I'm so lonely. I'm 60 years old. I can't take much more  why dies he continue to call me when she is there. He goes out to his truck. So much pain. I need to stop this and get off the train.

Hi dear Mint Julep,

It sounds like it is painful for you to hear all the details of their relationship in real time-- I can totally relate! Do you think you can use this time to take a breather from the relationship and figure out what you want?

Hey MJ, I'm sorry to hear that you are in pain.  What would you like to see happen?  Are you hoping for a recycle or are you trying to detach?  It's hard to tell from your post.  If you "need to stop" and want to "get off the train," what's preventing you?  Fill us in, when you can.

LuckyJim

We broke up last October. I started setting boundaries around many things. Giving him money was a big thing. He has a degree and is very smart but cannot hold a job. In fact he has alot of trouble taking care of himself and his home in general. I'm a nurse so I guess I felt like I could help him at first. He continued to beg me to see him all thru the winter but I kept pushing him away and was going to counseling myself. Our relationship was nothing but continued drama and conflict even though we shared our love of hiking, swimming, sex etc. My family hates him, he is rude to my friends.
In January he got a job in Finland by stayed for 6 weeks and got fired. For his last week or two there he met a woman he apparently stayed with and worked for then he came home in March. We kept in contact and I finally agreed to see him about a month ago. He stayed one night and actually made me a little uncomfortable by pressuring me to stay longer than agreed and saying things like 'I need security" I make a good living and I began to think he just wanted me for my money and stability even though we do have great chemistry. He was to come see me this weekend for another go round. He called me a couple of days ago and told me the Finland women called him and wanted him to come back to "work" for her. He said a work visa would last 3 months and he would be back then. Of course I had a melt down over the phone. I said if he was living with someone else of course that would bother me immensely. I do still deeply care. So last night at 1AM he calls me and says he just picked her up a the airport and he is calling from his truck and she is in the house. Today he says she loves him... .although he sstill loves me and is dying inside. She has only know him about 2 weeks... .no idea what she is getting into. He says she wants him to go back with her. He has a home that's in deplorable condition. Today she is helping him clean. I would never go see him (we live 2 hours apart) because he has no shower and no hot water. I can see him going with her. I think it was very mean for him to call me last night when he knew I was expecting him this week end. He says he did not expect her to come here. He is not being honest with me or himself or her. I don't think we can have a future together although at times we are great together! I guess its to late. He wants a total commitment from me and I just cant give that now. He has hurt me so much by calling me last night and telling me he is now with someone else. I am going to start counseling on Monday. I did not sleep last night or for the last two nights. I am so tired.