BPDFamily.com

Hi I'm Laur.  My husband is in a veterans treatment facility at this time for alcohol and anger.  He is in his 3rd week and is learning tools to help.  Although he agreed to help and to go to treatment his ,I believe ,bp, made him so fearful of his choice he went on several rampages after seeking help.  Everytime he saw his social worker at the VA he would get drunk and rage.  1 week before our daughters wedding was the worst.  We were all here getting everything ready since the wedding was here, high stress,  and he started raging what changed this time is our daughter raged back, wouldn't step down like I had in the past and I don't blame her.  He started threats and verbal abuse.  They yelled that they hated each other and we ended up locked in a room, called the crisis line and they connected us to the sheriff and he was taken to jail.  Of course domestic abuse charges where filed. 
He is still hanging on to resentment and isn't capable yet to see how terrifying his actions were for us.
That being said, he is working very hard to figure out his mind and anger issues.  He is in many classes that he requested and some they set up for him.  PTSD, emotions,anger,relationships and alcohol recovery.   Today he meets with the psychiatrist to find out what the results of his psych test are.   He was told by a therapist there they think he is a psychotic deviant.  But the test will,  I'm sure,  diagnose him with anti social personality disorder.  After reading walking on eggshells it solidified my assumptions he has bp. 
We both are committed to, continue to work on him, me and us.  This knowledge for him is his catalyst toward acknowledgement and help for whatever they diagnose him with.
Thanks for giving me a voice.

Hello Laur,

Welcome!  Wow, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate.  I am sorry to hear how rough things are, but am glad to hear that your husband is receiving professional support.  How about you?  Where are you getting support?  Does the VA have a support group for spouses that are dealing with similarly difficult issues?  Getting yourself connected with a group of local women and face-to-face on a regular basis seems like it would be a huge help.

Your husband's commitment to work on himself is super important.  Many people with BPD do not acknowledge or take responsibility for working on their behavior, so amidst your challenges, you've got that big thing going for you.

Keep up the reading, and take a look at the resources on the right.  With study and practice, many of us have found that we can sometimes diminish, avoid, or at least prepare for rages, but all we can control is our own behavior, so while we do often get payback for our efforts, we try to remember not to take more than our share of the responsibility.  Understanding the patterns, getting better at seeing things coming, and learning what makes them better or worse has helped me to feel more in control, calmer, and more effective.  In addition to eggshells, you might consider reading "Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder," by Shari Manning.

Best wishes for progress and peace :)  Please keep us posted!

Thank you for your quick support.  The VA does have some support out there for families I am looking into them now.  Most of my support has come from books and resources from them. 
Waiting to find out what the psych team has discovered about him today will be helpful for both of us.  I know he has bp I hope that is what they diagnose .  I have to say here that I am in a good place of understanding bp and that has helped me immensely to have answers of why he acts the way he does.  We have been married 27 years we love each other and having the hope from your site and education towards peace is such a relief.  Will post again when I hear from the psychiatrist.