BPDFamily.com

I was called to my wife's PC yesterday - it was a comparison chart of characteristics of confident vs insecure people.

I was asked to start reading out and my wife started giving me knowing looks when I read out several of the traits of insecure people:

- blame others
- see obstacles everywhere
- need validation
- know it all

etc etc

Now I'm the first one to acknowledge my own faults - many I have.

But this just turned my stomach - after reading out a few I just closed my eyes, frowned and withdrew.

Those of you who have read my threads and posts will understand why.

I sometimes think she wants me to believe I am a failure so that I stay with her until my last breath.

So how should I have dealt with this?

You said you sometimes suspect she tries to make you feel bad about yourself so you'll stay--there may well be something to this. My ex did this to me. He put me down constantly, to the point of writing a horrendous document titled "101 Reasons Why I Hate My Girlfriend" that detailed my supposed personality and body flaws (mostly body flaws). If you had never met me and you read this thing, you'd assume I weighed 300 pounds and looked like Divine's ugly cousin. In reality, I'm quite an attractive and slender woman (my ex was addicted to porn, so it's possible his brain was just irretrievably programmed to want plastic Barbie doll types). Accidentally finding this treatise and reading it gave rise to a two year struggle with anorexia.

Anyway, after we broke up my ex called me drunk one night and confessed that he'd only put me down like that in order to make me feel bad about myself so I'd stay with him. He said he felt that if I wasn't aware of my own attractiveness I'd be less likely to realize I could do better. He said he'd intentionally left the "101 Reasons" lying out in hopes I'd find it.

So it's possible. Or it's possible she is projecting her own issues onto you.