BPDFamily.com

My husband lives with BPD. We have been married for 4 years. I can handle most things as I am a social worker and understand mental illness. There are a few things I struggle with though. One is the anger. It takes so little to ruin his whole day and he is angry for longer than most would be. He shuts down and does not talk at all. He retreats into his office and won't come out. In these moments he talks of wanting to end his life because of how unhappy he is and that he'll never be happy. As his wife, this is difficult to hear. When he's not in this anger we are happy. I know he does love me but I wish being there would help him. I try to tell myself that it's not about me and most times I know that. I guess what I'm looking for is someone who understands what I'm feeling. I have no intentions of leaving him, I just need to make sure I stay healthy myself. Anyone else feel the same?

Hello @Hungryghosts
Thank you for sharing that. I am a newbie to this board as well. Much of what you wrote resonates with me. I am not married to my BPD, but we are discussing moving in together. We have known each other for 10 years, but our relationship had 2 false starts in 2006 and 2009, mainly due to the BPD-like episodes that I did not understand at the time. This time around I have actually researched BPD and believe he has this illness (though I have not told him, and as far as I know he is undiagnosed.) As I write this is actually sounds crazy to be considering moving in with him - but he makes me happy oherwise and our relationship has its many merits. Like you, I have no intention of leaving him, I just want to find ways to make sure I take care of myself. Loving him is rewarding but it is also incredibly draining at times.

Is your husband diagnosed? If so, does he seek treatment? How did he come to know he has BPD and how was that handled? I started another discussion thread earlier today asking for guidance as to how (or if I even should) bring this up to my loved one. It's a slippery slope... .

@Empatheticwife2B

That's a tough question. When I met my husband he had a diagnosis and I knew early on in our relationship that he had BPD. I think a lot of his life it was handled poorly and he had been misunderstood.

I understand exactly how the good parts of the relationship are worth the work. I too am looking to take care of myself. A lot of people in my life thought I was making a poor choice when we moved in together and married a few years later. Although BPD is tough it doesn't define who he is and it sounds like you feel the same. I'm glad to have met you as I was hesitant to seek support.

I have done a lot of reading as well and this seems like the next logical step for me for support.