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My BPD "girlfriend" is very difficult to deal with. It's been at least 8-9 months of total unhappiness. I never had any indication she was like this until we moved in together.She gets upset with herself constantly, takes it out on me, which in the end results in her kicking me out of "our" place, and then begs me to come back and love her. There is no way I can illustrate the complications of our relationship easily here. I am at the end of my rope. Please help.

I wish I could tell you it will get better. In my personal experience it doesn't. It's a common theme I have discovered. I also have found when it did seem briefly like it has been early in the relationship almost certainly there were duplicitous things going on with others unbeknownst to me at the time. My BPD relationship lasted just over a year until I ripped off the band aid as it were. It was incredibly difficult and I'll be honest I've never felt so emotionally destroyed. A month or so later it is so very much easier after a few bumps of the NC. The longer you stay the harder it will be. I'm sure you've read all sorts here so I won't repeat to you the reasons why and the cycle etc. My dexBPD had wanted to move into my house with me in short time. The only thing that stopped it happening wa the fact I didn't do all the packing and moving for her myself. And whenever it came up I would say I am not going to make the decision for her and she is always welcome but I will not be held accountable for it as of yet not happening. She wouldn't give her notice until I started packing and moving her things. I said I would be happy to help when she gave notice. Thing is she had lived with her previous partner for a year of so while still holding onto her apartment. Just unable to commit. BPD. Understandable. That was maybe one of the only boundaries I successfully established. I basically gave her all the freedom and trust in the world against my better judgement. And when she told me she had sex with someone else for her convoluted reasons , that it meant nothing and I was to be ok with it I showed her what happens in a normal relationship in a situation like that. The key for me has been to remember the hurt and embrace the anger. Each time I do those emotions ease and reduce more and quicker. No one deserves to be treated the way you describe Or the way I was. I think you know it as well.

hi Bl, and *welcome*

it sounds like youve hit serious difficulty in your relationship, and i hear you when you say youre at the end of your rope.

i understand with the level of turmoil youre experiencing it can seem impossible to know where to start. have you been together 8-9 months, or is that when the trouble started? what would you boil it down to in terms of a few of the most pressing crises for you? is your girlfriend diagnosed? this will give us a better idea of how we can best support you.

Hi Badluck666,

There's nothing like people living with each other in order to learn how each other really is.  Things certainly escalated when I moved in. It leaves little space. 

The push-pull dynamic is pretty typical for a pwBPD (see here (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62033.0;all) for more). We have material here to the right of the board which can help,  because I don't sense that you want to run here,  but rather look for tools and support to try and save the relationship,  yes?

When she kicks you out,  where do you go,  and how long is it before she asks you to come back? Do you feel safe coming back,  from violent behavior,  say?

Turkish