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Manipulative little children who only care about their needs and their own feelings. They only pretended to care about us in the beginning, it was never about us and our needs. As much as I cared for her, it was all about her. Not us. Once I realized that I simply moved on. It really is that's easy. Life is too short, have self respect and just let them go from toy to toy. I want something real.

You don't want to be with someone like that, ever. I'm not going to be a source of temporary crack for her. She doesn't deserve me, and your exes don't deserve you. Ditch them and stop the ridiculous mind games and find a partner, not a child.

/rant

Well said well said well said!

Just what I needed to read today. They really are 4 year old children emotionally, in the body of an adult

Thanks for that. I've been mostly doing well but today was feeling quite depressed over the whole experience. Thanks for reminding me. 

Thank you Confusedd because I completely agree with you. It is liberating to know that our gut instincts are correct and true. We were involved in r/ships that were one sided, highly manipulative, damaging and above all, selfish.

My story is that I stayed too long with her, when I should've walked away. A few times I tried, but wasn't strong enough and was manipulated back... .it only got worse. Emotional blackmail and bullying were two of the lowlights and I would urge others to leave a toxic relationship if this is happening... .before it gets worse.

Save your life and respect yourself.

I felt this a lot. I naturally jumped to defend her. She said she was worried that I'd think she was immature like what I said offhand about an ex of mine that she asked about. I kept looking for reasons to justify her maturity in my mind. In some ways, I ended up JADEing myself and kept stirring myself in the fog. Maybe the truth was hard.

I didn't find it easy because she did care about me at times. We were each getting things from the relationship. What did make it easier was that I realised I couldn't get the "real" that I wanted--by my definition--from her. I think part of it is coming to terms with the fact that we ignored things we would have wanted our past selves to not ignore. When we can accept that this is how this person is, and we're not going to be with the partner we want, then maybe it will be even easier for us to get out of the tangle.

Yes!

I wish it was that simple for me. When I was single before her, I didn't have much of a life. Being with her and her 3 kids gave me a purpose and an ability to show my best sides. Fixing her, being a second parent to her kids because of their dysfunctional deadbeat dad. fixing her broken wings and giving her her confidence and freedom back. it felt good. Whatever I did, it was never enough. I kept being manipulated into giving more of myself, my hobbies and my own space, my own apartment. Now I'm stuck at my brothers place watching HBO and Netflix while she's moved on with a replacement. If only I experienced some of the outrageous craziness of substance abuse, cheating, suicide threats or other volatile traits that goes with BPD. It might be easier.

All I experienced was constant fights, manipulation, discontent, moodiness, walking on eggshells, drama and at the end, psychotic behavior of tables being flipped and me being pushed physically. A person always in denial about their involvement and the skewed manipulative ways of a master, she would argue her points so well, you'd think you were the one causing all issues. I really had to sometimes think hard of what was said and done, because they didn't match her 'facts'

I still don't know what I've dealt with. I see a lot of BPD in her. Extreme fear of abandonment and being alone, self harm cutting her toenails until they bleed. The need to be "saved" and picked up from the ground (she vocalized this), all kinds of physical ailments flairing up at random times. Conflicts with pretty much anybody she's crossed paths with. Even lost her job from a conflict with another co-worker over something very stupid. Sees the world differently, and unable to read people and their emotions. Never appreciative... thank you was a foreign word. It was my duty to exist for her and the family needs

It might have lasted longer if I my buttons weren't so easily pushed. The funny part is I still feel guilty for leaving her.  I miss my purpose and I miss her good sides. I won't fully heal until I get my life back on track again

JaxDX, unfortunately I can relate to pretty much every word you wrote. You are not alone and you are on the right forum. Stay strong.

Thank you jambley, you too

Hi Confusedd,

Thanks for sharing.  How long ago was the end of the r/s?  The anger still sounds a little fresh - correct me if I'm wrong.  You mention moving on.  Can you describe how you have done this?  I can relate in seeing your partner as a child.  It did often feel to me like having another child to deal with when my exBPDbf acted out.  It's tough and draining, I know.

Love and light x