BPDFamily.com

Has anyone experienced a BPD girlfriend that cannot bare discussions about your ex on any level, not even the mentioning of their name, but they will opening share details about their exes, even sexual ones which make you jealous and angry?

My ex would do exactly this, describing things her ex bf would do in bed to her, including hit her, which drove me mad and triggered my protective mindset, and I wondered whether jealousy of exes is a common trait of people with BPD, or if it is just normal with some girls.

jealousy is common to people with BPD traits, and it is also common, and of course there are degrees. "BPD behaviors" are human nature, just taken to extremes.

there is some really good discussion about the subject here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=78324.0

im generally of the mindset that exes have no place in a new relationship. theyre baggage. my ex and i both played the jealousy induction game, and then we agreed to nip it in the bud and cut it out. its reasonable to politely state that some of what she confided in you was inappropriate. if she continues, its a strong indicator that it is not resolved for her.

im not black and white about it, though im pretty close. there is a time and place for reasonable past dating history discussion with a partner, certainly. ive heard my parents do it and there werent hints of jealousy, it was discussed as if they were talking about boyfriends and girlfriends from elementary school.

I think boundaries are something to mention here.

Everyone gets jealous, but pwBPD have difficulty managing their uncomfortable feelings. You feel jealousy when she talks about her ex's. She feels jealousy when you talk about yours. The difference is how each of you deal with those feelings. They may be unbearable to her in the moment, while you may tolerate feeling uncomfortable.

Boundaries? Why are the two of you discussing your former relationships in such detail to each other? No matter what either of you feel about your ex- that person is a human being. Sex is a private thing between two people. Discussing what you did with an ex is a violation of your privacy and the ex's. Imagine if your ex was speaking about the intimate things the two of you did together with anyone they wanted to. I think the Golden Rule can apply here.

PwBPD can have poor boundaries. It is up to you to set the boundaries about discussing ex's. It makes you uncomfortable to hear about the sexual things they did. You can say that you don't wish to discuss these things.

Many adults who date have had prior relationships. They may still be friends with their ex's or not in contact at all. Some people may have children with their ex's. These are part of relationships that both people need to accept about each other if the relationship is to be honest. However, TMI isn't necessary, or even appropriate. Set boundaries on this.