BPDFamily.com

My exBPD has shown some weird behavior lately

I have a child with my ex which i have to pickup and drop off. She found a new guy a month after i broke up with her (texted me right away to tell me). They have been together for at least two months. She knows it's hard for me she has a new guy since i was dumb enough to tell her it was difficult for me. Hey at least i didn't ask or hinted at wanting to get back to her!

Here goes.

I have asked her to have my son ready when i pick him up, after she tried to make me jealous about her new bf which didn't work incidentally, but she always makes excuses why he isn't ready. I don't understand why she is trying to get me to stay longer than necessary

I told her i wanted to meet him 2 weeks ago after she tried to get a reaction out of me by placing his shoes, tools and slippers purposely placed right at the second entrance to the house, while having the front door locked i always enter from. Just to make sure i went in that way and saw them. When she noticed i saw, she smiled and said "don't worry he isn't here"

The times after I have picked and dropped him off. He is never there, giving me a suspicion she doesn't want me to meet him. Today i sorta got it confirmed when i dropped my son off. He was inside helping her paint the house and she came out to my car to take our son off my hands. I offered to help her carry his clothes, bottle and him inside but she said it wasn't necessary.

Yet she tried to stall, telling me to look at her broken ecigarette, asking me questions what could be wrong with it. I kept telling her i didn't know but she kept trying to keep me there with questions about it... outside the house at the driveway.

Can anybody make any sense of this?

This is only for context and NOT to put her current bf down. I don't judge books by their cover nor am i superficial. He is everything she told me, she wasn't attracted to. He has a lot of tatoos, looks very old, and balding. but here is the kicker. Her house is torn up from a precious marriage and she needs help fixing ALOT. Incidentally he is a handyman who can do all that. It almost seems she intentionally chose him for that. I was in shock when i saw who she was dating. it did not make me feel superior nor inferior. It made me feel worried. I was expecting something else entirely.

If she doesn't want me to go inside and meet him. Why keep me outside and stall.

Games my friend. It's all a game.

She's doing it to get you to compete for her affections. Many people are in total shock when they find out who their replacement is. Usually it's a downgrade. I know I was a downgrade from my predesesdor but only in education... .she's a psychologist however she still talks to our mutual ex and is an enabler so who knows.

None of this has to do with looks. It's who she can manipulate. Who will give her things she needs... .like free home repair.

Everything you stated seems legit and I'd follow my gut here. She wants him to see you talking to her outside to see how attached he is and if he gets jealous. With you, she wants you to feel helpless not knowing what's going on... .locking that door that's always unlocked, forcing you to pass his "staged" belongings.

It hurts like hell going through these relationships but you get wiser. I see through BS now like never before and you will do.

When you cave, when you beg, when you show any weakness they absolutely loathe you for it. There is no sympathy, instead YOU are the reason why your life sucks---or so they say... .even though you treated her like gold yet she ran off and slept with ten randoms... .
Just an example.

Stay strong. Post here but don't let her see you crack. They actually respect you more in the long run. This doesn't mean go back!   but it gives you some control over your interactions with her which is critical since you share a child.

I am sorry you are going through this. Keep posting. All you wrote is on the money. Trust your gut it won't steer you wrong.

PW
 

Thanks for the encouraging words. I've had similar thoughts thanks for confirming it for me.

I'm still learning all I can and I can't believe how many things starting to make sense to me about the relationship I had with her. I've broken up with her so many times in the past. At least 15 times over two and a half years. She would convince herself i was on my way out of the relationship. That's when she would start sabotaging the relationship with drama, along with the periodic button pushing me. The Breakups never lasting more than 2 or 3 days before she would contact me and convince me to go back. I always thought there was something wrong with me, if i had a bad temper i didn't know about. I see now i was dealing with a very intelligent being and a master debater, that could convince me I was the instigator every time.

I realize i was a mark too. I was too much of a listening and supportive co-worker to her conflicts with other co-workers. She had an uncanny ability to make you see her side of things making me naturally want to protect and stand up for her. That was when I became a mark i think.