BPDFamily.com

Months ago, my therapist (who sees me and my spouse, separately) suggested I read the book Walking on Eggshells . At the time, what the book was saying felt too intense for me to handle and I couldn't get through it. Today, I picked it up again but decided to join a discussion board as well, hoping it will help.

Over the past year (during which time my spouse's father died and we had our son), things haven't gotten so bad that I have fantasies that she will leave, because I can't and won't. I'm staying because of our son. I worry what will happen to him if I am not around to be the punching bag.  And although I am incredibly worried about the effects of our relationship on him, I don't want to take him away from her.  At least for now. I'm also worried that a judge won't believe me. To others, my spouse acts charming, kind and generous.

So, for now, I am trying to figure out what I can do to cope with this situation and protect our son.

Hi Hannah B *welcome*

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can sense you are in a delicate emotional state yourself, this can very very hard on the family, and we often lose hope. That doesn't mean there isn't.

Having a kid makes it harder, I have 2. Just because there are more variables, and the dynamics multiply. But also, anything you do good for one in the family, it extends to the rest. Anything you do for yourself, makes an impact in your couple, and the family, anything you do for her or him, it will be algo good for yourself.

So, 1st you need to find a way to bring your emotions down, so you can think and express yourself more clearly in the relationship. One way is talking here, and knowing someone understands you, and roots for your success.

Then step by step, with patience, you go learning things you need to stop doing, and new things you can do instead, that make things easier.

The book can be a lot to take in. But here you have some lessons and basic tools that are small pills of experience. Also, there are a lot of good people here, and all of us have gone/is going through similar situations. I've got some great advice and a lot of support from the people here. You are not alone.

Wish you the best!

Hi

Sorry that you've been going through so much in your relationship. You've found a great place for support and help. What kinds of problems specifically are you having in your relationship? You mentioned being a punching bag. Are you experiencing physical violence?