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A friend told me and sure enough, her house is for sale. I feel sheer relief that hopefully she will move away from the area and take her violent son. I haven't felt like myself for 4 years and today I just feel a weight has been lifted. Thank you for reading, I just wanted to write this as I've gained so much clarity and finally feel I can live my life without looking over my shoulder.

Great news for you.  Let's hope that the sale goes through quickly and she is actually putting some distance between you so that you can relax more without the proximity of potential threat.  There are no houses for sale on your street, right? (Joke!) 

You say you haven't felt yourself for 4 years.  How did the relationship affect you as a person and is that something that is changing?  I'd like to think we can all find ourselves better than we were before for having had the experience.  In time of course.

Love and light x

Hi HQ,

No, I don't reckon she would want to live near me. Thank you for giving me the fear for a split second!

My uxBPD/npd gf and I met in the pub a week after my father died, she helped me move properties that summer as I cared for my dad until he passed away. In hindsight, I didn't fully process clearing out my parent's house, the bereavement, finding a new home and on top of that, getting involved with a disordered woman. The relationship has been tough to process, particularly the control and manipulation and subsequent violence... .the damage to my self esteem and confidence has been a significant change.

 I am not quite sure if the experience was for the better. There are a few threads on "the gift of the borderline", but it is very deep!

jambley, that's a lot for anyone to go through consecutively.  It must be hard to know which piece to pick up first.  Are you having any therapy?  I think you mentioned you were offered counselling after the attack you suffered?  Perhaps that can be a positive that has come out of a bad situation.  It sounds like you have a lot to talk about.  We're always here to listen if that helps.

Love and light x 

Yes, it is a lot. I have been offered counselling and a close friend of mine also suggested it to me, he knows it hasn't been easy. It is an option. In the meantime I am glad to have dummy cctv and not have any domestic abuse/attacks... .I remember my parents every day and know the most important thing is to be strong, to remember how well I was brought up, that my parents meant so much to me. My neighbours like me and I am happy where I live.

I wasted a lot of time on a self confessed uBPD/npd and there was nothing I could've done to help her change her behaviour. I actually don't know who she is/was, her behaviour was so changeable and erratic. Nobody has ever treated me so poorly and I am lucky to be on this forum and realise I am not the things she said.

Hopefully she will move away, I already feel she has... .in my mind she has gone, it is possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to accept. But I loved her as best I could and for a short while I believe she loved me too. Thankfully I have forgotten a lot of her bad behaviour and know she won't improve. Although we didn't live together, the constant chaos, rage and drunken, selfishness isn't something I miss. I have no respect for her and more respect each day for myself... .which I intend to keep.

This isn't necessarily coherent but I just wanted to write this. Thank you.

If there is such a thing as 'the gift of the borderline' I suppose it is this:

We met in the pub while i was with friends, she invited me back to hers for a party. The second time we met was unplanned at a local gig, it was coincidence. She helped me move house and I found a new flat with one viewing... .it was flawless. Without the gift of confidence

Opps. Without her confidence in me it would not have been such a smooth ride. I thank my lucky stars I was in the right place and the right time. Perhaps that's how I shall try and remember her... .if at all.