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Over the weekend, at my therapists suggestion, I download the "meetup" app. She said I should try and find people who share interests and expand my social circle to get back out and do what I love doing. As I scrolled groups to join I couldn't believe it. There it was. "Philadelphia Narcissist Abuse Survivors Group". I decided to join and was messaged by the creator to tell me about a meetup that was today at a Starbucks.

I decided to go and met him and two other people. It was supposed to be a 2 hour meetup... .it lasted 5. As the newbie they asked me my story and I couldn't believe what happened after my story. Each person was able to go around and explain in specific detail how they could relate to my situation. From the emotional shutdown when trying to communicate, to the idealizations and discard cycle. To the recycles. To the chaotic environment their exe's grew up in. The way that it all just changed slowly with more giving and less receiving, sex as emotional leverage, The feeling of being the parental caretaker to their exe's. Etc.

And then the real relief. I decided to tell them about my own self-inventory about my own family problems and how I developed my caretaker mentality. And they were all able to describe exactly how they did the same thing and how their families played a role and how they have all learned to open those dark closets of their own life to better understand and not repeat the same patterns again.

I was fearful that it would just be an "ex bashing" meetup but it was actually a place to relate, get sympathy, hear similar stories, and also dig deeper into ourselves. We have made a commitment to expand the group and try to find a local church that will allow us to have a couple hours a week to meet there in a more intimate setting. The group itself has over 50 members already and we hope to make it more consistent so that people can turn up more and more.

I was trying to get my own startup going for survivors and it was a relief to see that something so close to me in distance has already been created. There are a lot of us out there. Keep an eye out for those groups or even consider starting your own on the "meetup" app. Far too many people are walking around as shells of themselves wondering why their breakups have destroyed their whole sense of self. Not to sound corny but we are many and we are stronger than we think.

Hi roberto,

That's brilliant that things fell into place for you in this way and you found what sounds like a really helpful group to aid you on and share in your journey.  Strong support is so valuable, especially in the form of others who can entirely relate to your situation.  I also found this when I attended my 12 week domestic abuse programme.  The weight lifts when you find others who have been through exactly the same things, as you describe.  To have such positivity in a group is excellent and just what a person needs when they are looking for continued momentum as you are.  So pleased that you found them and feel good about getting involved.  Seems like perfect timing for you. 

Love and light x

very cool.


i hope this brings a sense of accomplishment too, and more to come. its cool to watch something grow and to be a part of it, bonus if it helps others!