BPDFamily.com

  I'm triangles.

I'm married to a man who may or may not have BPD. I may have some traits myself, I don't know. I *do* know that he and I re-enact the drama triangle Karpman discusses at length- thus my user name. I'm reaching out for support as our relationship has reached a critical peak and I need help and insight into my actions and thought processes. My husband has been chronically unfaithful to me, diagnosed by one therapist as a sex addict. This past April I discovered he is having an affair. In May he asked for a divorce and I asked for a second chance. I'd like to try and build a new relationship. I think?  He agreed, with the caveat that he won't stop dating this woman. Emotionally I'm not in a position to give him an ultimatum. At the moment we still live together, primarily for financial reasons, but also because I can't let go of hope we might be able to build a healthier relationship & not a dysfunctional one.

I don't know if this can or should be done. I'm not sure if either or both of us are or aren't BPD. I just need help finding clarity. I need a place where I can share and vent and be safe. I hope this is a place for that.

Hi triangles, Oh yes, you have a lot going on and this is certainly a safe place. Perhaps, first things first, you can look into whether you are BPD. What do you think of that? Do you have all, many, some of the traits? Do you feel that having those insights can help you have a better understanding about what you want in life?

Do you feel you can accept the relationship in the state it is in, that you are one of two people he is romantically involved with? If so, what will that look like? And if not, what will have to happen? What would you like to have your relationship be like? Can you work with a therapist to help you track towards getting there or is that out of financial reach? Will he also be willing to make some changes? Do you know the state of his other relationship, if he wants to have both options or eventually just one of you?

I know, unfortunately, and quite unexpectedly, what it is like to have financial issues keep me in a situation I might not be in if things were a bit different. I am in another country and financially stuck at the moment, but... .nevertheless, we both (you and I :)) deserve to feel we have options. At the least we can work on our own emotional health while we are in these situations that seemingly have no out. There is a lot going on here so I think it could take some time to get it all sorted out, so be patient with yourself and love yourself in the time being okay. I always tell myself to have joy in my life now, no waiting. They are just small things, but they help me feel life is worthwhile when at times it just feels overwhelming and horrible.