BPDFamily.com

I am asking this as part of my own learning, healing, and understanding.

Do people with BPD ever reach the bottom of the barrel such as gamblers, drug addicts & alcoholics & feel/decide they've had enough of how they live their lives, and reach out for help like people do in the other categories?  :)o they have the awareness or able to reflect if going from one relationship to another with it to end in failure/disappointment continually?

I ask because I have not read or seen much from all the information provided here or from books I have read.  Has anyone had this experience with their SO or ex with BPD & would be happy to share?

Thanks.

Pedro.

Yes.

Some kill or maim themselves at this point.

Some find this the motivation to seek recovery.

Many go through extraordinary efforts to avoid hitting bottom, which is at the root of fear of abandonment - self preservation.

When I met my exBPDbf he had already reached this point in his life and was seeking help.  It had happened around a year before we met.  Within the first couple of months he invited me to attend a meeting with a new psychologist he was seeing to review his previous notes and look at plans for ongoing treatment. 

From what he described he had an epiphany where he realised that in fact after spending his whole life believing everyone else was an ass it suddenly dawned upon him that it was himself who had the problem.  I also believe that he had reached a stage of realisation around his relationship patterns and other behaviours where he recognised that this wasn't 'normal' and it was affecting his life to the point that he could no longer bear it.  He described a lot about his suicidal ideation and not really knowing who he was.  How he was a different person with different people.  The anger that he felt inside and pain of betrayal.  How he could find someone pleasant one day and the next think terrible things about them.  It seemed to me he was just tired of it all.  During our r/s one thing was apparent to me, which was his extremely fine tuned self awareness.  I had great admiration and respect for this, as it meant accepting and recognising some very unpleasant things about himself and his behaviour.

Following on from Skip's reply I think he fell into the camp of motivated to get the treatment and to recover in as much as he could.  Unfortunately, as full blown and extreme his presentation was, this backfired many times over for him in attempting to engage with the services.  I also witnessed therapists giving him a wide berth, fobbing him off with medication and simply not wanting to deal with him.  It was sad to see that the behaviours he wanted help with were the very behaviours that put people off wanting to give him help. 

I'll never wrap my head around how someone in a caring profession who is there to help people who are seeking help can turn away from an individual who is so desperate to change.  I doubt to this day that he has gotten much further forwards than we managed to achieve and it was a constant uphill battle in securing him the right pathways that was like a full time occupation for both of us.  It is far more likely that he gave up altogether and returned to attempting to manage by himself.

So in answer to your question, yes it does happen.  How successful a person can be in getting that help will depend on a lot of factors.  I hope for the sake of so many families that some of the barriers to effective treatment will begin to fall away.  I did everything in my power to pave the way for better treatment of BPD sufferers and their families and loved ones with the services that we had engaged with.  Some of my feedback and experience has been taken to the highest levels in our area's mental health authority and they are working to make lasting changes.

Love and light x   

@ HQ: One possible explanation may be that health care providers are wary of treating those w/BPD because they fear that the pwBPD will bring a complaint against them to the medical board, according to one Doctor I spoke with.  This could explain why some therapists gave your Ex a "wide berth."  I'm not saying that I agree with this practice, but it may provide an explanation.  LJ

Even when someone gets help it doesn't mean a fix. My ex has been in therapy for over a decade and still lacks any insight or basic emotional identification skills. I think she has her therapist bought into the depression and anxiety and not the underlying BPD/npd traits as she is an expert at being the victim which her therapist seems to have bought.
 Just like us. I saw someone for a while and realized I wasn't being challenged and maybe someone else would have a different view of me and who I am. So I found someone else who told me stuff I needed to hear and challenge me. Just food for thought.

Hi LJ,

Thanks for this good point and I can understand that slant on things.  I must also add that what our individual experience was doesn't necessarily reflect on excellent services going on elsewhere.  I think funding in my neck of the woods is a big contributor into what cases get prioritised for more in depth treatment.  Would imagine quick fixes are far more attractive an option to a service that is stretched.  Hence the 'try these drugs' approach that is the first port of call.

Love and light x

Thank you to everyone who has responded .

I appreciate your frank & honest experiences. Best wishes and positivity to everybody here.

Pedro.

Mine did... .he came to me one nite and said I made him realize how far gone he was and he said he has a personality disorder and depression and was gettingbtherapy and told his work... .the day after  his first therapy session we had our final fight which lead to him getting thenrestraining order.   
I noticed for a few months he continued, but he doesn't appear to be going any longer his coworker said he is not well and is worried about him... .

My x knows he has issues.   He didn't feel it was fair for me and I deserved better ... .
I can tell you five months out and he appears worse ... just walks fast ... does his route and I never see him talking ... .he couldn't even say the word yes to me.

Sadly I have to concur. Mine knew his issues. He came home sobbing about how he knew he was messed up and wanted to get the help he needed to be happy. He had been in therapy prior to meeting me. He started again while with me. His therapist bought into the depression anxiety PTSD pathway and allowed him to play the victim almost endlessly. It was exhausting. He was forced into therapy by his employer and they put him with a different therapist. I never met her and from what I can tell he didn't go long. He raged, left me, replaced me 15 days later and now claims it was all due to pressure I put on him. Apparently now he is all happy and wonderful. So yes some people do find the strength to do the work but many just revert to old patterns. Change is hard. Sustaining change is even harder. Just try dieting or saving money. Now think about changing everything about how you think and feel about the entire world and the people in it. Forever! Yup pretty tough. Makes me sad to think what an uphill battle they face.