BPDFamily.com

Mom took them to San Diego to go to the zoo and Legoland. I got them up at 615, over an hour earlier than I would if it were for school.  I was so worried I awoke at 430, 5, 530... .despite getting to sleep after midnight myself.  their mom was supposed to show up at 645am. I had the kids presentable at 6:40. I reminded S7 of the marine adage: "early is on time.  On time is late." I was never in the Marines  :)

I got home and seeing her car parked in my driveway was triggering a little.  After two weeks of not wearing her wedding ring,  I noticed that she was. Gotta keep up those appearances to her old friend from high school she's staying with,  someone she hasn't seen in years.  I'll pick them up from the airport late Thursday night.

So no nightly ABA therapy for our son.  Just me, Lilly The Chihuahua,  and the mice who steal her food.  She's worthless in that regard.  Thought about opening the Air Soft pistol to shoot the mice, but seeing their little beady eyes state at me (they are increasingly unafraid of me) gave me second thoughts. In must be like Lilly The Chihuahua... .I appreciate the company. I guess I'm not sure what to do with myself.  Laundry, dishes, and sweeping: check, check and check. Tomorrow: mopping. D5's room still needs clearing for her bed.  I've been putting this off for going on 8 months, though truthfully,  3 hours of work, perhaps, would get it ready.  I did get the desktop PC out of there a month ago.  Last week,  filled 2 bins of toys to donate.

Am I supposed to take care of myself? Been phoning it in at work. Not good. 

A Ford Focus RS calls to me,  but that would be financially irresponsible... .maybe I'll just rent one for the weekend,  as a buddy suggests. 

Turkish,

If you are like me, it would take you longer than the kids are gone to "come down" from the usual routine. 

I hope you do something really special for yourself. Stuff you can't do when daily life is as usual.

Is it possible to take a couple days off work? Wellness days?

Be good to your deserving self. 

heartandwhole

I'm feeling the mid life crisis deal wanting to buy a new motorcycle even though there's a perfectly good one sitting in my garage, unstarted for almost a year.  20 years old,  but it's in God condition.  It could spend not half an hour getting it prepped to ride: check tire pressure,  dump old gas from the tank,  install battery (Li Ion on battery tender), and tank with fresh gas. Engine about 20k miles.  It will fire up. 

Went to Wal-Mart today and got D5 school uniforms.  Texted her mom so she wouldn't over-buy. Got a thanks and a text back of a pic with the kids having fun.  I'm not friends with her on Facebook, but she sent me a request almost a year ago.  Haven't deleted it.  I may need to accept it some day. 

Folded the kids' laundry, and mine.  Swept the house yesterday. I'll mop tomorrow.  Same old same old.  Going to the kindergarten orientation tomorrow for D5. They'll still be out of town.  I did all the legwork to get her registered. It wasn't burdensome, but it took time and paperwork,  including a medical appointment and more paperwork.  And a trip to the dentist to get more paperwork.  I'm paying her what would be the babysitting money since she's taking a week off unpaid due to running out her vacation time.  I'm taking next week off. I didn't ask her to pay me,  which would be double her gross. She also owes me about $400 now for S7's therapy. Another $400 bill will come due soon.  We're supposed to split it (I pay their medical insurance,  but co-pays are split). I'm filling out 8 pages of paperwork tomorrow night to get the kids into an after school program to save us over $1000 per month in childcare.  I'm also getting in line by 630AM on Saturday for the program. First come, first served.  The spaces are limited.  I'll pretend in getting in line for concert tickets.  I did tell my ex she needed to show up by 9 to give me a bathroom break. Can't register until 10 AM. I was warned of the line... .

I'm a bit resentful. But maybe I'm setting this up.  I'm glad the kids are having a good time,  but she took them to Disneyland less than a year ago. Parenting by pocketbook? I think there's some of that.  There's the equivalent of Legoland and the San Diego Zoo within an hour of where we live.  I think my ex also wants to get out of town.  I was invited to go to Hawaii with them, but I demurred. She only wanted me to go because she wanted me there to help handle the kids.  I'm sick of being used. 

So what's the lesson here for ol'e Eeyore-Turkish other than I need to get a life and take care of myself? Am I taking on what shared responsible we should have by consciously choosing not to toss some responsibilities into her court? I think of I did, she'd be fine with that.  Yet I choose not to.  Maybe this comes from my BPD childhood: everyone will let you down and you can only ultimately rely upon yourself (because everyone lets you down,  axiomatic). It's like I know the answer,  but I'm resisting it. 

To end on a non-Eeyore note,  the solar eclipse will be 74% where we live.  It will be closer to 80% in the mountains NE of here,  so I bought glasses for all of us,  bringing the DSLR camera to take pictures. The last partial eclipse,  I was able to resolve sunspots with just the kit zoom lens,  a filter, and Photoshop post processing. 

Downside is I'll be in the town where my BPD mother is now living in an hourly/monthly rate motel,  having been kicked off her property by the county. There is about $60k-80k worth of property (at a minimum) in play which the county will auction off. I've been NC since a phone conversation around Christmas,  not seen her since April 1, 2016. I want to just let that go,  but the right thing to do would be to try and establish contact.

Calgon, take me away  :)

That all being said... .I was researching the eclipse, and I came across the Allais Effect:

https://science.nasa.gov/science-news/science-at-nasa/1999/ast06aug99_1

The next partial eclipse will come about when S7 will be older. Can I hang a Focault's Pendulum from the apex of the garage enough to observe the effect? He's good at math and construction , better than me.  It would be a great science experiment. Ending on a nerd note. 

Hey, Turkish. When my D11 is over at my ex's for a long weekend, I often do much the same as you --  keep myself busy with chores and errands. This can be satisfying some of the time, but it can also start to feel lonely and pointless. There's one thing missing from your repertoire -- human company!

I've been making a concerted effort to schedule time with friends and acquaintances. It has become easy to feel I'm in touch with everyone through social media, but that's not nearly the same as an hour or two hanging out or sharing a meal or drink.

I actually went through my Facebook friends list and picked out local folks I haven't seen in a while, then messaged them to set up friend-dates for the next few months. There were times when I didn't feel like going out and being social, but I forced myself, and I'm glad for each one of them.