BPDFamily.com

Hi, I just joined today, haven't read any posts yet. We have a teenager with BPD traits: she is 17, and too young to be diagnosed with BPD yet, her therapist says. She came out 2 years ago as transgender (she was assigned male at birth but has transitioned to female). Since coming out she has had repeated crises with depression, self-harm, anxiety and suicidal ideation. She is seldom openly angry, but seems to see things in black and white, and isolates herself or rejects others, perhaps anticipating rejection. She does not talk openly about her feelings, tries to keep up appearances until a crisis develops, and then acts very impulsively. Falling behind on school assignments and social issues at school seem to trigger her crises.
She sees a therapist with lots of experience in gender identity issues, and DBT therapy has been helpful, along with setting clear boundaries. She takes a mood stabilizer and antidepressant meds from a psychiatrist, and we see a family therapist who is also very helpful.
At the moment she seems to be doing well during summer vacation, but I am very worried about the start of school on September 5th. She is considering changing high schools for her senior year, which might be helpful, but might also be a symptom of her all-or-nothing thinking, rejecting all the friends and helpful staff at her old school in hopes that a "fresh start" will solve all her problems. As parents we are concerned. We will respect her decision about school, but are encouraging her to do a lot of research and make lists of pros and cons for each school, to make a well informed decision.
Thanks for allowing me to join - I look forward to learning from other parents and families.

Hello HopingPraying and welcome:

I am thinking of your child, who at the young age of 15 had the courage to come out.  "Coming out" is one thing but to live with the fallout/re-settling from that decision is another.  My heart goes out to her and to those close to her who walk by her side... .but it is her who has had to take the lead.

Thankfully professionals are involved to help on this journey.

I wish all of you well and encourage you to keep posting.  Many benefits come from just being heard and being validated.

Hi hopingpraying,
Welcome!  Your story is so familiar to me!  My 18 BPD daughter has experienced many of the same things as your daughter.  She also waits until things build up and then she becomes overwhelmed. She is in DBT therapy, but still has problems actually implementing the strategies she's learning.  Friendships don't seem to last, possibly because of her perceptions, black and white, like you said.  She also tends to gravitate to people who are "puppermasters"... .looking for people to control.  She doesn't seem to think she's worthy of much more at this point.  She has just come home from a one week hospital stay because she was suicidal.  She has had 2 other hospital stays this year. 

This is all very difficult to manage and cope with for us as parents.  I'm learning that I need to take care of myself.  The lessons at the right side of this page have also been very helpful to me.  They have helped with my communication and understanding. 

We are all in this together.  Hopefully this site helps you realize you are not alone! 

1hope