BPDFamily.com

 

Hi All!  This is my introductory post.  I found this site after reading, "Stop Walking on Eggshells".  My son's therapist highly recommended we read this book and WOW, it was like reading the manual for my son.

So, background: We (parents, therapists) suspect my son had BPD, but are still formalizing that diagnosis.  My son is 15.  We adopted him when he was 2 from an orphanage in Ukraine.  We've always had a problems with him. Most therapists diagnosed him with ADHD, but otherwise insisted he was "quite charming" and "engaging".  His parents, teachers and classmates disagreed.  As a child, my son was extremely hyper, inattentive, impulsive, dishonest, reverse-seeking and sneaky.  He struggled bonding with his father and was always very "false" in public.  We were told this was an attachment disorder. No amount of love or attention was every enough.

In the last 8 months, his behavior has escalated so badly, he has spent a total of 3 months in a mental health facility, and has been before the courts 4 times.  He currently lives with his father as it is safer for our other child (a 10-year girl) for the not to live together. 

Typical behavior:
*RAPID mood swings-within minutes, lots of angry, unprovoked outburst
*Needy: Can not get enough attention (good or bad) and has at times refused to let me sleep because he "needed" attention
*EXTREMELY Impulsive: Runs away in the middle of a snow storm without shoes or coat or money just because he wants to be with this "friends" anytime he wants
*Depression/Anxiety evident
*EXTREME disregard for any rules.  He doesn't feel he needs them, hence court appearances (stolen car, broken into a commercial building, theft, destruction of property)
*Self-Harm: He's not suicidal, but does self-harm on occasion
*Some days he's trans-gender, some days he's pan, some days he's gay, some days he's bi-sexual, really, it's whatever gets him the most attention.
*Dishonest: lies about every single thing regardless of how
*Bullying: He's pretty nasty to his sister (10 years old).  He refuses to let her speak and has done things that hurt her (Which is why he no longer lives with us).  He also bullies other kids
*Disassociation: He actually checks out and has no memory of days at a time-yikes
*No long-term relationships-friends come and go quite quickly
*Medicated for ADHD, mood stabilizer and sleep assist
*We do have a team of doctors helping us along that I finally feel can help-I just wish insurance covered it.

We are looking into treatment options... .My son agrees there is a problems, but I'm not sure he wants to fix anything (except, his parents, of course!).  We're also look for some family support!

Thanks for "listening"

May

Hi May: I'm on this board because my fiancé has a daughter, now in her mid-twenties, who was also adopted and with whom he had (and still has) many of the same issues starting when she was about your son's age. Having listened to what my fiancé has been through and continues to go through over BPD in a loved one, I know what a difficult road you face. Personality disorders generally aren't diagnosed by professionals until around the age of legal maturity, but I agree you're probably dealing with BPD (or one or more of the other personality disorders on the Cluster B spectrum). Although my fiance's daughter is an adult, she also has children who are going to be my (step) grandchildren, and I full expect and will support my fiance's future involvement in those children's lives. So I'm here to learn and get support from others who deal with this issue in their families. Hugs to you... .