BPDFamily.com

I started to introduce myself with my name. DOH!
I have been married for a little over 5 years and it's been rocky the whole way through. I am a 41 year old guy and this is my first real relationship, so I didn't really know what to expect. I started thinking that it might be BPD after her behavior started to seriously hurt me and I looked up how to deal with the pain online. so many of the links mentioned BPD, so I looked it up and it seemed to be a good fit. My wife had admitted herself to a psychiatric ward for severe depression right before we started dating and she had left her partner of 10 years. I began seeing a therapist after I had suggested that she start therapy again and she demanded that I also see one. I began seeing one immediately. though it took her months before she started to see one. I enjoyed my therapy greatly and my wife started showing jealousy towards my therapist, though I continued with therapy until my insurance changed and my therapist wasn't covered anymore.  I took a little time off because I was feeling pretty good but after a little while my wife demanded that I start therapy again. The main subject of my therapy has almost always been my wife even though I am disabled with Multiple Sclerosis. I started thinking I was dealing with BPD, then switched to depression because that was what she told me her diagnosis was and her prescribed meds seemed to fit that narrative. After reading a couple posts on this page, I am 100% certain it is BPD. the thing that showed me it was her constant manipulations to try to get me to end couples therapy and our marriage. Our couples therapist told us that if both of us weren't interested in making things work that we should stop going. My wife kept trying to get me to say that we shouldn't go, but I would only repeat that I want to make things work and that our therapist said that we should quit if we both didn't want it to work. I am in so much emotional pain right now, but seeing so many stories on this page that were almost exactly the same as mine gave me hope that I wasn't crazy and that maybe I can do something to improve our situation.

Hi strong enough ,

I'm sorry that MC has been so difficult. MC going badly is not uncommon for BPD relationships. ONe reason is that in order for marriage counseling to work, both people need to be able to admit their own mistakes and begin making progress towards fixing themselves. For someone with BPD, their shame often will prevent them from even acknowledging their own wrong because it's easier for them to blame others for their problems instead.

Do you think your marriage counselor is trying to tell you in a polite why that counseling just isn't working? Have you had the chance to talk to the MC privately about BPD?

Here's a link to one of our articles on marriage counseling and BPD:

www.https://bpdfamily.org/2010/08/why-marriage-counseling-so-often-fails.html