BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone 
I have a question for you all today, what are you tactics to save yourself when you s/o if disrespecting you and blowing up at you. How do you save yourself from the pain?

Lately, I have been finding it hard to accept and be caring due to the verbal abuse I hear ever time there is a crisis. Would love to learn how you take care of yourself in these situations   

HI wantobe,

When your pwBPD begins to be verbally abusive, what do you currently do?

I've taken 2 new tacts. The biggest thing I have done is that I no longer allow myself to be subjected to his blowing up. I leave the house when he begins to yell. When he starts to yell, I will say, "I don't like to be yelled at" then leave the house to go for a walk or a ride. While I am out, I do not respond to his phone calls or texts. If I can't hear him being verbally abusive then it can't affect me.

If he is not worked up to the point of blowing up, then I've started to be honest with him. I will say, "That hurt my feelings," "I understand that you are angry, but I feel like you are just being mean to hurt me," or "That was abusive." He will often acknowledge that and calms down a little. It doesn't stop him from going on about whatever he is going on about, but it draws his attention to the inappropriate behavior so that he can change it.

I will love to tell that to my girlfriend but to be honest, I don't think she really care about my feelings.
Couple days back i saw a txt message saying... ."i will get drunk to hurt his feelings" after that I don't think she really cares.
If she start insulting me well that will be the last time she is going to see me.
So far (3 month of relationship) everything is my fault, even when it's not my fault. So insult I will NOT tolerate that.

I would love to see the recommendations/advice for this question. I could use some help with it too, wanttobehappy.

So far I dont think I've handled it so well.  Tattered Heart, you mention how you tell your SO he is hurting your feelings when he isnt completely blowing up. Has this ever back fired and led to him getting angrier and actually blowing up?  That seems to be what is happening to me. Maybe I'm not assessing the situation correctly and choosing the wrong times to express how what my SO is doing/saying is hurting my feelings. It seems like more often than not it leads to her lashing out, me feeling badly about it and apologizing followed by her "punishing me" for my actions in the form of snarky remarks and/or full blown silent treatment.

sigh.

He definitely at times has fired back at me. Usually he does this when I did not validate appropriately, waited for him to get too worked up before making my statement, or I got emotional myself while saying it. When I use these honest statements, he has to be in a low level anger moment and my response is low key, direct,  and without strong emotion.

It's hard for me to say these things too. I worry that if I express myself that he will blow up. But my T really helped me with speaking up for myself by asking me, "What is the worst that will happen if I express myself? What am I scared of?" My answer was I'm scared that he will yell or rage. Her next questions was, "What can you do to honor yourself if he begins to yell or rage?" My answer: leave the house.

The important part is that I do not feel helpless and without a voice. When I feel like I don't get a say, that's when I spiral into depression, feeling like a victim, and hopeless.