BPDFamily.com

My ex has been sending me memes, a birthday card, a package, every other month or so. I respond positively, and then there is no further attempt to connect on her end. We never formally ended the relationship, I just got sick of her behavior and told her off ten months ago. She did ask permission to send me the package.

Is this a charm? Or what? It feels like testing the waters to see if I am still interested? She is a huge respecter of space, and wouldn't push if she felt I didn't want to talk.

I'm asking because I want to be aware of what is actually going on, and not make assumptions either way. She has been in therapy, and actually seems to be doing very well, from what I've seen around. I am willing to ask her what she is wanting, I just don't want to miss important warning signs.

And you gave her permission, yes? If so,  it sounds like you opened the door (released a boundary) in giving her permission. What was your expectation on the outcome of erasing this boundary?

Charm? That was supposed to say "h-o-o-v-e-r." What in the world did autocorrect do? Hopefully people can figure it out. And it keeps doing it after I post, so I'm not sure what is happening... .

Well, I never told her not to contact me, so I didn't set up that boundary. My boundary has been more personal, that I refuse to do all the work to reconnect just because she shows minimal effort and interest. I do believe that if I told her not to contact me, that she wouldn't. So my confusion is over why she keeps contacting me. I don't want her out of my life, I just want the conflict out. If she can come without it, I would be happy. I'm just done trying to make that happen. I did say I wanted an apology, which she doesn't really do, and she did give me one that sounded sincere and not over the top or manipulative.

As a side question, if I decide to contact her to ask what she is trying to achieve, I need wording that doesn't give away my power by making me sound needy. I want a question answered, period.