BPDFamily.com

For those that know my story
And for those that don't
Back story. X is my mail man... after saying he wanted to go in peace blindsided me with a RO
In court wanted it dropped and sent his atty to apologize for him
He still delivered for the four months around me... .I thought that was tough

Here is what I'm struggling with
Today I was feeling pretty bad healthwiss so when I saw the other guy working for my x I went inside... .I just wasn't up to chatting... plus it caught me off guard... .my x never takes off

My eBay business will start picking up as it usually does... .and my x won't even leave packages let alone pick one up from my porch

Calling the postmaster isn't an option.

I just need and want for my own healing for things to just go back to how they were with my mail...

If I sent something like this
"Hey, can we chat about my packages  i don't wish to rehash the past just move fwd in peace". 
I would do this in person , but tried something similar and he barely was audible and still doesn't check for my outgoing mail.

i don't know if I'm painted black or not

Side note is that he is not doing well from what was relayed to me. 

As I've mentioned in a previous post I won't act on this until my health is back to where it should be... .and that's also probably why I'm thinking mor about him as he was supportive of that... .

I just feel like I'm trapped like he has control over where my mail is left etc
Or am I just looking for peace so that I can just move the heck further on from this odd mess.  For me just getting back to normal would help a lot because I would feel less restricted .

I would never get back together with him... and I know this is not what this is about. 
I'm just trying to think this all thru bacuse he sure could careless that what he is doing is just not helping any. 

I have an eBay side business most know my story on here... .today it dawned on me, why on earth am I being so passive and allowing my x to still control me... .
Why would I ask him where packages should go... .

I'm not... .next time I see him I'm going to stop and tell him that yes my packages will be on my porch in the rain or if they are large packages just like the last five years he has worked and the now seven I have lived here doing eBay.  ... I'm going to have a chair  that's closer to my driveway side so he can lean it and get the package .

He will utter nothing to me of course ... and when he doesn't I will say I'm all about peace and harmony in business ... and god bless.   
His actions are on him not me.


I'm no longer going to be a puppet like his bosses and coworkers... .letting him control me so that when I see something sell I dread it and strategically delay it so it's times for the other guy to pick up.
I'm done with that
eBay pays for my doctor appts insurance won't cover ... .btw

Ironically a lot if this new strength came from the Taylor swift song just released.

At this point I've watched enough from a distance... .he pretty much knows I'm not out to chase him etc ... .
so I'm hoping this direct path works with him, plus if I email him on eBay then he could use it against me ... say I'm stalking and whine to bosses .


If not plan B with be acted on.

Hi Idsrvt2,

You sound empowered by this decision.  Good on you!  Feeling like you are being controlled and avoiding possible drama is very uncomfortable indeed.  No one can relax when still tip toeing on those egg shells, can they?  Taking the reigns sounds like a positive move.  I hope that it enables you to breathe easier and step forwards from the past and into a bright new future with you at the helm of your life.

Do I dare ask what plan B entails?

Love and light x

Sadly today it's raining here, so doubtful I will be able to speak to him... .
And yes it is a feeling if walking in eggshells... .that's exactly what I've been feeling.  It's just not needed like I keep saying if he doesn't want to be around me and fears me so much switch routes.   I doubt he will say anything to me but just nod his head anyway ... .afterall I'm such a terrible person ... he can't have an adult conversation,   .smh

Plan b involves trying one last ditch effort to get him removed as I now have semi proof the office knows how unstable he is... .I mean using thentransgendee car s to get away with all of this just is unreal. 

Seeing him almost daily must be so uncomfortable for you and I was surprised to read in your earlier posts about how he was allowed to stay on the same route, as you know. 

I think both plan a and plan be sound reasonable in that in an ideal world you'll not be feeling the discomfort any more and it will no longer affect you for him to go about his business but if you are still going to struggle with the constant proximity then it only really leaves open the option of a change.  Do you believe that you would be successful now in having him moved onto another route?  What would happen if this wasn't achieved? 

Is there something you yourself could change to alter the effect of his being around?  Is it a certain time each day or does it vary enormously?  Short of moving home, could you alter your routine so that you're not around when he is in the area?  I know that changing your own schedule and activities is being inconvenienced by the fact that he remains unaltered by things, but I'm considering an 'if all else fails' option.  What is important is that you find a constructive way to move forwards for yourself, and it understandably is hindered by his daily presence.  Perhaps there is something you aim for personally that would be fulfilling for you which you could undertake at the time of day he is around, therefore effectively killing two birds. 

Love and light x

Thanks for the support as always.  The past two weeks now I've been tending to some health issue which hasn't me going into the city often, which means not being around when he delivers ... I've also had a change of scene which has helped some.
As for his delivery times they are never consistent ... .the day during thenorder he crossed in front of my car is a time he's usually way past my house.
His boss said that they are now in the streets earlier due to the hot weather... .and I did not know this and one day was on my porch at a time he usually is not around and wham there he was placing a package next to me... he couldn't even hand it to me nicely... .
That's what gets me he's beyond rude to me... .

I'm not sure if I can for sure get him removed it would take some political contacts and to somehow try and paint the picture this is the second mentally unstable person to work this route.   The last guy stole our mail. 

So I could maybe worst case block out noon until 3pm... with the cooler months fast approaching I have to say I will miss having my mail placed on my porch... .it was something nice he would do ... .ya know doing his job and being polite

I think the only way is to just have the conversation I plan on having and go from there.


Today while out I though about him a few times , but it was more like a wow he could have taken me to this place if he was a nice guy or didn't always have a gun in his front coat pocket
Or oh a steak restaurant he promised me a nice dinner if I maintained my weight since I had trouble gaining... .another thing he failed at... .and all around me were people... .strangers... .I didn't talk to a soul today.  Which is rare for me. 

It's odd really but I posted How over the weekend I met a guy and we got to talking and something about that conversation really sunk in... .the flow of the conversation with him as well with another guy I met this month... .much different than my x

My x is not at all affected by still passing my house etc... .it's really quite disturbing m

I saw him today by chance as I took myself out during the time he usually would deliver...
why did i notice him... .well he was all bundled up in winter gear with sunglasses on in the rain... .looking all paranoid and odd.   


I was hoping to bump into a neighbor because my lawn guy just up and quit on me today... .i sensed he too had mental issues and should have fired him weeks ago when he blamed me for stuff he himself was not cutting.   

my x appears very unbalanced looking to me... .its something i never noticed before, maybe i just spot this now more than usual... I just dont know.
he walked in slow motion across my street... .sadly i have about five chances of always seeing him if not more.   
I just have so much in my life im dealing with i just wish he was normal.

The day before I knew I would be getting a parcel that wouldn't fit in my box ... I reached out to my x with this msg.  I kept it short and somehat cryptic given his history of taking everything I text as an attack I sent it via eBay,

New message to: xBPD
Hello,
are you still on here?
incoming/outgoing packages that wont fit in my mail box... .
have ebay shipments... .


He instead stuffs mail in my box and it just set me off ... because he used to be very thoughtful about my mail and not do stuff like that... basically if it had rained the parcel would have been damaged

Thenother day I was trying to get some air on my porch as I've been still feeling horrible with my health... .numerous dr appt and no real answers

What did I see just ... him all loud and flirty with this guy neighbor he told me he was into... .after I saw that I went inside and waited for him to be done with my house... .I saw him glance in at my porch ... first time ever he has looked up from the ground ... .then I think it's ok to go out and there he is collecting someone's loose dog and walking it back to them being all friendly , another neighbor beeped and waived at him
And then I saw it... .he took someone's parcel and stuck it in their door ... so proof that my mail is not being handled as it should be.

So he must be back in his female persona all upbeat... .the person I knew him as for four years... .it made me miss him... I jut feel very depressed and lonely being that I'm now sick... .I deal with chronic health as is but this stuff is new. It's left me with a lot of time to think as I can't go out and do much of anything .

I don't know if he got my eBay msg or not... I guess I'm just looking to make peace
Im obviously seen as mean and evil by him.  He has me blocked on the site we once used, so I couldn't msg him there .

I bought a new box I'm installing it on my porch so he can't play his little games and my mail will be protected, also then he has to use my porch which he has refused to do... .I'm also putting a note of where packages are to me left.  I may actually ask him what I did that was so cruel to deserve a RO on me as if my health isn't bad enough.   
Friends are suggesting I try one last push to get him removed from this route

I think my x is more NPD then BPD ... .it's like he just has no empathy at all.