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Title: Best way to communicate after incorret answer to partner question Post by: forestfortrees on August 22, 2017, 11:47:19 PM Hi all,
I am currently in a healthy relationship, and tonight noted patterns of an old trap with which I am familiar. I know I definitely have a tendency every so often to respond to a question with "I don't know" or "Let me think about it". The partner's response is often an immediate follow up question, "Why don't feel this... .?". Then my response is a tentative agreement or thought, but hoping to have space to think about it or respond. This is met with more intense follow up and me stating something along the lines of "I have an opinion, want to think about it, and can see why you feel this is important" (usually a lot clumsier than this, and probably not completely validating). And then we talk in some circles. Part of me is resistant to having to immediately and completely agree sometimes, even when I do fundamentally agree but want to space to process. I am also a little introverted so laying it all out there all the time is tough for me. Or I say, "yes I agree" later in the conversation, but it's not an effective answer and circles continue. Is there something beyond SET (Sympathy, Empathy, Truth) that works well in these situations without being painfully formulaic? Maybe just really listen to see what the real concern is? Interested for your thoughts Title: Re: Best way to communicate after incorret answer to partner question Post by: Tattered Heart on August 23, 2017, 08:49:24 AM Are you looking for a way to support your partner or to share with your partner that you need time to think?
If you just need to validate your partner I think SET would be the best. Perhaps a way to engage it without having to say the same thing over and over is to ask questions, such as "How does that make you feel?" or "Can you explain that to me more?" If you are needing to ask for a little space, then using DEARMAN might help. This is a way to ask for something you need in a way that is sympathetic but honest. DEARMAN https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=160566.0 |