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I will be going to court in the next few months and it is clear my ex w will get 1 witness to say I have been physically hurting my 7 YO boy.    That witness is a friend of hers that hates me as I was not romantically interested in that friend.    My ex has a history of getting witnesses to lie about me.     And this friend of my ex has already said lies about me to the custody evaluator.   

I am worried going to court I will be on the defensive, saying "i did not hurt him."    Thoughts on how to neutralize this witness, so she does not lie?    Thoughts on how I can go on the offensive with this witness and not be on the defensive?

Since my ex's case is built on lies (and family court cases are frequently won based on lies), should I do the same and have my attorney send this potential witness a note that she has harassed me and my son... .and to stop?    I say this as honesty in family court translates often to losing your child.    And this person is not a witness yet.

You're lawyer should depose your STBX and any witnesses she intends to call before trial.  The L should ask the witness and your STBX to provide testimony as to details (dates, times, description of their claims, etc.).  Then you get time to prepare documentation to refute their claims.  If you can prove they lied under oath in deposition, that's called a crime called "Perjury". 

Right before trail, your L goes to them and says "In deposition, you said "this", but I've proof you lied.  I'm going to put you on the stand, destroy you, and prove you committed Perjury to boot.  Only way you can avoid it is to reach a settlement agreement, right now."

I can understand your concern. No one wants to be the target of a negative advocate.

At the same time, I'm not sure that family court cases are frequently won based on lies... .my experience is that documentation and drawing attention to patterns are more important.

I agree with Waddams that a deposition may be helpful. This is a way to raise any issues there are with credibility. She may have to admit that she didn't actually see an incident. Maybe she only comforted your ex, in which case her testimony would be considered hearsay. I'm not a lawyer, none of us are, so it's good to talk to your L about this.

Do you know if your ex's friend is indeed going to testify? Usually there is a protocol for what evidence will be introduced in advance of the hearing. If you don't want to pay to have your lawyer explain how things work, you might have some success calling the Clerk of Court and asking how witness testimony works, when you would find out, whether it's possible to reschedule to help you prepare in response, etc.

A note from a lawyer saying to stop harassing his/her client and son is not likely to carry much water, especially since harassment tends to have a legal definition. Believing that your ex's best friend is going to testify is not harassment, altho it is certainly a way to get you upset and worried... .

How did you find out she was going to be a witness and say that you have been physically hurting your son?

I don't know the rules for depositions but I would assume they're similar for court, that the witnesses are not allowed to hear testimony by others except after they've given testimony.  Depositions are very small, I don't think the peanut gallery is allowed to hang around.  That would give your attorney an opportunity when deposing to dig into the testimony without allowing others to hear and adjust their own testimonies.

I don't know whether are done with only the lawyers and the one being deposed.  If the plaintiff and defendant are present too to hear the testimony then there could be some collusion.

LnL is right, if the potential witness wasn't there at the claimed times then it would probably be hearsay, even if the child later 'repeated' it to the person.  Still, how do you prove a negative such as "I didn't do it"?  Being more credible than the other side's witnesses is important.

In the depo I would def have lawyer ask this "witness" why they did not report any child abuse immediately. It seems to me that being willing to show up in court to testify to witnessing abuse, but not reporting it earlier looks pretty damning as to the truthfulness of the witness.

I just got done with a court case that was built on lies.  (non BPD stuff)

The strategy was to "expose" the lies rather than answer them.

You are right not to be defensive.  Let your lawyers determine when it best for you to answer something.  Answer it directly and neutrally.

My lawyers and I talked a lot out how to expose the lies.  We "knew" the lie but couldn't prove it.  We waited until the last minute to create our list of people we would "compel" to testify and show in court.  Time doesn't matter to someone telling the truth.  A group of people trying to coordinate a lie doesn't do well with short timelines.

Gather information first on the stand before exposing the first lie.  In other words... .the first time they perjure themselves... .don't pounce.  Get it all out and then when, under oath, you start asking them about inconsistencies... .  something will break. 

Then... .let the rest of the lie come out.   The rest of the witnesses are usually "sequestered"... .do the same thing to them, except now... .you have sworn testimony from previous person.

"So, if someone was to testify that xyz... ." and they say "That would be a lie... ."

Now you have the group.

Anyway... .from what I've seen so far, the argument of why not do something at the time is a solid one.

FF

I would caution you to think about this as lie or truth, although I know it matters to you.  It should.

You are not the "audience".  The court is.  

":)iscredit" is likely a better goal.  Although your lawyer will likely try, proving a lie where on person says they saw something is likely hard.

Perhaps they misinterpreted... .perhaps they are unreliable... .especially given they didn't call 911.  I mean... .do you not care about children in general... .or is it just this child you chose to let abuse happen to... .and not report it.

"oh... .so it wasn't abuse... so you are saying it was nothing to worry about then?  Why are you worrying about it today?  What is your purpose testifying in this court today... .since it was not abuse?"

See how there is no argument about if they "saw something" or not... .?

FF