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Title: Why is it taking me so long to heal? Post by: Yemaya on August 26, 2017, 07:30:44 PM It will be 3 years this OCT since I last saw him. After 2.5 years I just packed my bags and moved as far as possible without looking back. I truly loved that man but it was debilitating to be with him. The games, affairs, circular conversations, stupid lies... all the time I thought maybe there was something wrong with me... I am still "washing off" all the toxiticy out of my brain and heart. I am a very strong woman but he managed to break me, to the point that I question if I will ever love again. Funny thing is, he never remembered my birthday, never a Christmas present or card. Valentines was never celebrated because it was the day of his divorce (more than 25 years ago). As soon as I left him, Christmas and Birthday cards arrived like nothing ever happened... .I am gathering all of the pieces of my heart still... .when is this pain going to end
Title: Re: Why is it taking me so long to heal? Post by: JaxDK on August 27, 2017, 06:12:25 AM It will be 3 years this OCT since I last saw him. After 2.5 years I just packed my bags and moved as far as possible without looking back. I truly loved that man but it was debilitating to be with him. The games, affairs, circular conversations, stupid lies... all the time I thought maybe there was something wrong with me... I am still "washing off" all the toxiticy out of my brain and heart. I am a very strong woman but he managed to break me, to the point that I question if I will ever love again. Funny thing is, he never remembered my birthday, never a Christmas present or card. Valentines was never celebrated because it was the day of his divorce (more than 25 years ago). As soon as I left him, Christmas and Birthday cards arrived like nothing ever happened... .I am gathering all of the pieces of my heart still... .when is this pain going to end Moving on from a toxic relationship can be extremely hard. It can be a really long process or relatively short, depending on what you were exposed to, your own attachment style and the steps you have or haven't taken to get past the relationship. Some relationships have caused so much damage, it's impossible to repair without the help of a therapist. Healing is a process where it's important to face all aspects of it, specially the painful parts we try and shut out. Without sounding hard I think there's truth to what I've discovered in myself. The inability to move on is core issues with ourselves we have to work on. Sometimes that requires outside help Title: Re: Why is it taking me so long to heal? Post by: vanx on August 27, 2017, 06:41:23 PM I am sorry for the pain and struggle you face. You are not alone in wondering what is taking so long. You are still healing I think. You feel you cannot love again because the healing is not done. I haven't made it to the other side myself, but I think when we have healed within, we will see the possibility of a different, healthy, reciprocal love. Perhaps that love will even seem strange if we are used to something toxic.
It stinks that it is taking so long. Maybe we can both shift our focus from why is it taking so long to "what can I do today to continue healing". It is certainly not easy. Hang in there though. Title: Re: Why is it taking me so long to heal? Post by: Lucky Jim on August 28, 2017, 03:33:04 PM Hey Yemaya, There's no particular timetable for recovery and everyone heals at his/her own pace, so treat yourself with care and compassion. I'm sorry to learn that he "broke" you. I'm confident that your pain will subside and that at some point you will move on to a healthy relationship, at which point you may feel grateful to have parted ways with him. No, there's nothing wrong w/you. You didn't cause BPD nor can you cure it. Just the way it is. Glad to hear you are picking up the pieces and putting them back together.
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