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Title: Introduction Post by: Uke4 on August 29, 2017, 08:07:31 AM New here & looking for answers to the unending questions in my marriage. We have been married 16 years, and have had issues for most of that time. I strongly believe my H has BPD (quiet) & ADHD as well. He has not been diagnosed by a psychologist, and probably won't ever seek help on his own. I feel I have tried everything in my power over the years to make our relationship better & more equal, but I still feel like I am parenting a teenager. I'm looking forward to participating here & maybe finding clarity in how I want to move forward with my life. Title: Re: Introduction Post by: Tattered Heart on August 29, 2017, 08:14:23 AM Hi Uke4 ,
WElcome to the board. You'll find so much help and encouragement here. Is there anything specifically you are going through right now? We have a lot of really great lessons on the right side of the page. For me the one thing I learned that helped me the most was that even though my uBPDH was responsible for his own behavior, I was also responsible for my own reaction to him. I was doing a lot of things that invalidated him and just seemed to make things worse. You mentioned that you felt like you were parenting a teenager. I completely understand that. At times you ask yourself questions like, "What was he thinking when he did X" We get caught up in caretaking and fixing the mistakes our spouse makes and that can leave us feeling like their parent. For me I've had to let him deal with his own consequences and stop fixing things for him. It's hard to do, but I'm not my H's mom. I'm his wife. And part of being a supporitve spouse sometimes means letting him fail and deal with the results of his own behavior. To get you started on our lessons, here's a link to one of our workshops on understanding your role in the relationship. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913188#msg913188 |