BPDFamily.com

Is it possible to have an elderly parent the has never been diagnosed with BPD?

Having read a few articles I now realise that my mother has always had a lot of triats that fit

It's very possible, although none of us here can diagnose anyone.  Many of us including myself are here because the "shoe fits" the person we are struggling with.

If you're interested in reading more there are a few books that I'd like to suggest... .
 
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul Mason MS & Randi Kreger

Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change by Valerie Porr

Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship  by Christine Ann Lawson

I also want to point out the "Lessons" in the box to the right -> each item is a link to more information when you have the chance check them out.

I'm sorry I've got to be so brief, I'm on my lunch break and have to get back to work, but I did want to pop in and say Welcome  .

I know other members will be along soon.  In the meantime can you tell us what kinds of behaviors you've been seeing?  What do you struggle with most in terms of your relationship with your mom?  Let us know how we can support you.

Take Care,
Panda39

Hello Womble 

Welcome on board !
Your title describes what kind of an effect BPD can have on healthy people... .I understand   
My mum and my grandma are BPD (probably some others like my sister and my aunt but I don't know them well enough to be sure). As far as I know they were never diagnosed.

BPD is like the elephant in the room. Everyone knows there is one, but everyone is pretending the elephant is not there. But is it !

Thank you for your suppor, I have been doing some digging and am fairly sure that both my mother and sister are BPD. I have booked a doctors appointment for me and am going to seek some counselling. I feel better already although my situation hasn't changed I no longer feel responsible for everyone's problems and am determined that I will recognize the traits should they appear in me. Feeling stronger but realise after 47 years it may be a slow process. Thank you both so much.

Hi Womble

BPD is formed in childhood so I doubt you would develop it at your age. However you may have flees, i.e. personality attributes learned from someone with BPD. So for example, someone with BPD can be very sensitive to criticism, something they also encourage in their children. But that doesn’t make you BPD. The killer attribute someone with BPD/NPD is a lack of empathy and an in ability to accept blame of any type, and hence change at all. Being on this forum demonstrates you are open to change, and you seem open to accepting blame, so no BPD worries there.

I’m pleased you’re going to the Dr because children of BPD do tend to collect similar aliments, and hence benefit from similar treatment. Eating disorders and PTSD are two common ailments. By the way are you a Womble from Wimbledon Common ? Because if you live in the UK, awareness of BPD among GP practitioners is patchy. But that shouldn’t matter as they are well equipped for dealing with the aliments of a traumatic childhood. You can get validation here, or from a specialist if they refer you. Best of Luck and Welcome.

You are not the only child of a parent with BPD who has been concerned about having some traits. This does not necessarily mean you have BPD. It is common for a child who grows up in a dysfunctional family to have learned some behaviors that are not so functional outside the family system. The good news about this is that- if the behaviors can be learned ( and they may have been necessary to get along in the family system) they can be un-learned. A willingness to look at oneself and to work on learning better relationship skills can go a long way.

It can, and does take time but I think it is well worth it. I did the same thing- once I realized my mother had BPD, I looked for a counselor with experience with BPD and families to work on any behaviors I learned. It was also reassuring to be told I don't have BPD ( I did have to work on co-dependency).

It's great you are taking this step for you-