BPDFamily.com

Over the last couple weeks I've realized how important this site has become to me. It has given me a sense of community and support that I am not able to find in my real life. I'm not a sentimental person but as I think of how real and authentic and raw I get to be here, I get the feels. Lol

The advice I get is so helpful, even if it is just a reminder of what I already know. I read and re-read the workshops to continually practice my skills. I thoroughly enjoy helping all of you work through your own relational problems. And in helping you, I see similarities to my own stories. And in helping you all with objective advice I also am teaching myself to see my situations objectively.

My relationship with my H is significantly better. Not because he is better but because I am. And a very large part of it is because of this site.

Anyways. It's late. And my H is sleeping peacefully beside me. I had a rare moment to get on here during the weekend. And even though the weekend has been quiet I missed this place and wanted to share my rare happy explosion of emotions.

How has this site helped you?

This site helps me to hold onto reality and not feel alone. I fumble around a bit and don't always know what to say, but I care so much about the lives of the people whose stories I read about here.

I am afraid because I am very isolated and know I could lose this space at anytime. I am not even sure I am "safe" writing here as I am monitored at home and have no privacy in any area of life. I am not even allowed to have my own thoughts I was told this weekend. (Luckily I am strong enough to see that for the untruth that it is.)

I am finding it so helpful to use the lessons here. Yesterday while my partner was dysregulating I found myself grabbing onto every piece of advice I could pull together in my head that I've learned here and trying with all my heart to survive another day of this stuff. "Am I JADE-ing?" "How can I bring this situation back to baseline if possible?" How do I focus on the emotions of the other person, and hear past all the garbage.

There is a lot more I would like to work on if I am able to continue having this resource. If it wasn't for hearing from the rest of you here I would have had no idea there are other people dealing with issues similar to mine and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Thanks for sharing pearlsw. Great use of the skills. Even if you don't get it perfect, keep on trying.

This site is a reality check for me against the crazy making of my uBPD H.

I like that it reminds me that I am not the only one working on this, trying to make things better and not worse.  We've had some blow ups the last 2 weekends, but I was not as distressed by them as I know I'd been in the past.  Writing on here has helped vent as well as see patterns, and helps me realize that the storms will always be out there, but they will both end, and can be come fewer. 

This is a stress ball.  Write out a rant post and feel better for letting it out.  I was with an ex.  Horrible human being.  He put me through hell.  I found the strength to dump that person.  It was an extremely bad situation and I honestly didn't know if I would make it out.  He's in prison now.  So you can imagine my grief when I realized I potentially put myself in the exact same position I had fought so hard to get out of.  I didn't recently discovered that he does in fact have an illness.  I had lost count of how many times I asked myself, how I could be so stupid in ending up in the same situation.  I feel different though.  My ex was put in prison for a very disturbing, horrible thing he did that he should of honestly been shot for. 

My SO though, he's not that horrible person like my ex.  Yes he has his issues.  He does have anger problems and he's guilty of all the other BPD symptoms.  I see though that he has been lived a life of abuse by his father, abandonment by his mother, passed around in foster homes, juvenile detention, jail, prison, psychiatric hospitals, abuse by the very people that are supposed to be helping him.  Things that I honestly don't know if I would of ever survived.  My ex is just a horrible human being who enjoys making others miserable and enjoys destroying everything he touches.  My SO... he feels guilt, sadness for causing hurt, constant pain, struggling to fight his inner demons... .wanting to hard to live a normal life, when honestly... he's never known a normal life outside of what he's seen on TV.  Going from a harden criminal, running a very lucrative motorcycle club, dealing with guns, dogs... to trying to be Leave it to Beaver.  He wants the happy home, but I think he really struggles with who he really is.

It's going to be a long and hard road, but I'm willing to stay by his side as long as he keeps trying.

Wow Frankee, that sounds really tough. I hope your priority is keeping yourself safe.

This place has really helped me, and only 6 months after my gf was diagnosed, things have changed a lot. The day she was diagnosed, I searched for this, so it's been with me since the beginning. Before that, I struggled a lot keeping things to myself, thinking no one could understand what was happening to us, knowing everyone would tell me to stay away from her. And myself feeling I was driving through a road that ended in a cliff.  I thought my relationship will last as long as I could take the pain it gave me.

Talking and learning here opened up a lot of new roads. If things are bad now, I have new tools, and I can think "maybe there is a tool I haven't learned yet" so I don't lose hope for us. Also, if I am desperate, I know there are people who will listen and understand me, so it feels like a safety net.

Thanks a lot.