BPDFamily.com

Hello.

I wanted to introduce myself and reach out to people in similar situations as mine.

My husband has been diagnosed as bipolar and ADHD by his psychiatrist, but I (and my therapist and even "M.," my husband) believe it is his borderline traits that cause the most problems in our relationship. He is volatile, needy, dependent on me, and he abuses drugs. He has punched holes in walls, broken things, etc. but has never hit. Still... .the dogs and I are terrified of him when he's angry.

We have tried marriage and individual counseling, but the counselor said it would be unethical for him to continue seeing us because he believed that I needed to get out of the relationship for my own well-being. This was in April. I owned the house we were living in, and I was the sole breadwinner, so my leaving didn't make any sense. I told M. I wanted a separation, and I gave him a month to find a place to live. He found a place, but then he never moved out.

So I sold my house with the intention of moving away from him. I went to a week-long conference in Europe in July, and he started threatening to kill himself on the phone with me while I was gone. So I caved in and let him move with me to my new home, but I made sure to just put my name on the lease (I am renting now). I gave him a bit of money from the sale of my home so that he could have some independence. He is now working part-time and trying really hard to help out. He did the entire move himself and he has given me $400 a month to help with bills for the past three months (after two years of not helping financially at all). His rage has also subsided a lot, which shows me that he has more control over it than he said he did.

But I am still so angry about the past two years and feeling abused and betrayed by him. Sometimes I have feelings of hatred toward him. He doesn't make enough money to afford his own place, and none of his friends or family members will let him stay with them. Plus I am worried about his suicidal tendencies. And what is probably the most honest and worst thing of all is that even though I dislike him intensely at times, I feel like I have an addiction to him and to trying to please him. Still... .I would move out if this weren't my place we were living in. I wish I had that option. Now I'm stuck back where I was in April, terrified of telling him (again) that he needs to move out.

Any advice you all have would be very appreciated! Thank you for "listening."

I'm brand new here and may be in the wrong forum. I apologize if my content is inappropriate for this forum. I am going to re-post to the conflict forum.

Welcome to the board. You're in the right place.

I'm sorry that things have been so scary in your relationship. There are a lot of people here who can help you begin to work on making things better.

You mentioned that things for the most part are way better than they were in the past and it sounds like you might be harboring some unforgiveness for things in the past. What could you do for yourself to help you to forgive him?

If he were to continue living with you, what would happen if he had to be responsible for his own finances?