BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone, my undiagnosed daughter (28) went through EMDR treatment after she was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. This diagnosis was according to her, since her health stuff is private.  It seemed to help a bit, but she just lost her kids (two daughters 5&8) again after having them back for exactly ONE month. And so, in MN the second time is permanency placement if the kids have been in foster care for year. (I am the foster care).
The reason was she lost them this time was she had missed therapy 7 times in a row, dirty UA (drug test, it was morphine “mom I’d never do that, they made it up”) and hanging with an unsavory character. So there we go. The 5 year old will go to her dad, who has been doing well and the oldest is mine.    
Here is my problem, I love my 8 year old granddaughter dearly, but I’m older, a widow, not much for money and most of my family members are quite involved with they own lives, grandkids, travel, ect...   In addition, if my daughter does not ever get better I will be dealing with her the rest of my life. So do I take custody and raise her? I can kick my daughter out of my life but I think we know how that goes; she will still be around, doing the lovely thing BPDs’ do. Or do I give up my granddaughter to adoption, she would still be part of the family, I’d still be her grandma, and in some cases they even let the mom see the kids if mom isn’t too bad, and I know my daughter is capable of good behavior for a short time.
Do I hope for her to have a mom and dad, maybe siblings again, no drama, no lies, no being scream at, told horrible stories about people you love, and  just a half a**ed normal life? Also, for the first time my daughter has signed up for 30 day inpatient treatment plan, will she get better? On the other hand, is she just messing around, as she did for the last year, or the year before that?  You should know I have been doing this with her since she was 15 years old. I am very tired and I very torn, I know you cannot possibly answer this, no one can, but it very sad and very scary, but you all are great at listening and I appreciate that, so thanks for letting me vent today.

Oh wow.  I just wanted to let you know people are listening.  Please vent.   I hope you have others close to the situation who you can talk through those incredibly difficult decisions with.

Thank you!

Oof Penny here is a big hug from me   what ever decision your GD has your love and support and you have her very best interests at heart.

WDx

Aw, Penny52, my heart goes out to you!

I, too, am a grandmother.  With all due to respect to everyone who participates on this forum, the added worry about grandchildren has got to be the ultimate hurt.  We want to rescue them but so many times our hands are tied for one reason or another.

While all of our hearts go out to you, no one can give you the answers you need/want... .but we can be here to listen and support you as you walk your way through what you will feel needs to be done. 

It has been therapeutic for me to put fingers to keyboard and pour out my heart.  I sincerely hope you stick with us and use this forum as a way to let off some steam and get the validation you need.  You are not alone, Penny52. 

Here is a ((HUG)) from one grandmother to another.

Thank you all for the hugs, just sort of hanging in there and hoping for the best.