|
Title: Self-minicking of BPD traits post break up Post by: Elmurr on September 08, 2017, 05:25:49 AM 5 months since being left abruptly one observation I've made is that I appear to be demonstrating certain BPD traits myself. Is this a common experience with BPD, or simply a normal reaction to a harsh breakup? And does it pass?
My experience has included: Frantic attempts to avoid abandonment (early stages more so than now) Feelings of emptiness and complete loss of direction Jealousy Indifference to things that were important before Questioning who I actually am: unstable self image Impulsive behaviour: excessive drinking, unprotected sex and greatly increased promiscuity Sexual promiscuity and alcohol used to divert emotions from the breakup Extremely emotional - something I never had been before Transient feelings towards new partners, without really caring Feeing regularly detached from reality Unable to let it go. Holding a grudge. Title: Re: Self-minicking of BPD traits post break up Post by: Enabler on September 08, 2017, 07:49:11 AM Elmurr, I am not qualified to answer this question from a BPD experience perspective BUT I have been observing myself for the last 6 months since my uBPDw of 16 years said she wanted a divorce. So... .primarily BPD is an inability to control emotions and emotional responses. There's a theory called Emotional Cascade Model which describes it pretty well. So... .You're going through a very emotional relationship breakup, you are very likely emotionally dysregulated and yourself going into an emotional cascade situation where you yourself experience Borderline type emotional reactions to things. In many respects pwBPD are the same as non's however the levels where dysregulation occurs are much much lower. You, have to experience something like a relationship breakdown for it to occur (you'd not be the first to hit the Vodka after a breakup or even sleep around a bit), a pwBPD may well do this because you disagreed with their choice of dinner. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that many of the characteristics of a pwBPD are not exclusive to BPD but are very usual instinctive and subconscious responses to things like stress, fear and anger but in a pwBPD they are triggered at lower levels.
I have felt on another planet for the last 6 months, you are not alone. Cortisone is NOT my friend at the moment. Title: Re: Self-minicking of BPD traits post break up Post by: Skip on September 08, 2017, 09:59:20 AM That list looks like depression and some dysfunctional (inability to cope) coping. It's the right thing to do to inventory it and to ask questions.
Asking the right question is important though. Question: Do I have BPD? This is not a good question as it is more about labeling - if he response from others will be yes or no - this is an issue of that isn't about a label? Question: Do I catch fleas from my partner? This is not a good question as it is more about blame shifting - our relationship may catalyze these reactions, but the reactions are about us and how we process? Question: What part of these reactions are normal, which are excessive, and how should I react to it? This is more about self-awareness and healing. Its a good line of questioning. Title: Re: Self-minicking of BPD traits post break up Post by: Hisaccount on September 08, 2017, 01:25:02 PM When I first learned of BPD it was so different than any of the other disorders we thought we were chasing I took a few different online tests and thought I had it myself.
In my case I found I was answering questions based on who I was brainwashed to believe I was, not really who I am, but after becoming more aware and honest with myself I actually found that I could fall into quite a variety of spectrum disorders. Just because you can check off enough boxes doesn't mean you are in the same boat. In my case I had shut everyone out of my life. So I had no references, when I started dating I found myself using tactics I learned from my BPD ex and I went through a phase with a lot of the same feelings you described. Made me stop and think again whether or not I had it. For me, yes she did leave an impression on me. Changed me. It took a while to shake that. It was a constant effort. My kids are grown and not around so I was able to look at everything I do and changed it if it was something that I learned from her or did because and for her. Then I found myself again. Understanding the disorder, learning about its traits was the easiest and quickest guide for me as to what is okay and not healthy. Then using the tools on this website helps you grow out of that. |