BPDFamily.com

dating again?

I was here before about my own ex, who to this day, i am still not sure if she had BPD. I had almost entirely recovered from that, if not entirely.

Well, i began talking to this girl romantically who ive known a few years now. We've always had a thing for each other but didn't allow it to progress because we weren't over other people.

She began dating this girl late last year, and I found out they recently broke up. Well, from everything she told me about this girl, she is either BPD or really abusive. The girl had no family she kept in contact and no friends. So she is basically isolated. My friend said they started off great, and months in, surprise surprise, her attitude began to change.
She would accuse my friend of being a "hoe", of sleeping with people even though she was at home, calling her stupid, a b**** , saying she doesn't deserve her, she threw her phone once and even hit her in the head.

Well, they broke up and the ex kept trying to beg for her back. She called literally over 100 times from blocked numbers, on different occasions. Her voicemails would range from i love you, lets work this out then the next voicemail would be cussing her out , saying how stupid she was, etc.

The girl would accuse her of doing things, then go out clubbing or what not and post photos of it on social media.

Well... I cant believe im saying this but my friend/girl i liked, actually went back to this chick. It upset me so much that i unfriended my friend everywhere. As a result, she blocked me i guess because she knew she "played me" so to speak.

It's been a few days now... .I've only viewed the crazy girlfriends FB page a couple times but its nothing but lovey dovey posts about my friend, and my friend responding to them.
My friend is super rational so i cant believe she went back to this girl, and how happy they seem.

How long before this abusive behavior shows up again? because i believe it will and i believe the girl is either abusive or BPD.

also something to note. the chick has kids and my friend told me she never once saw her tell the kids she loved them, or comforted them in any way. Huge red flag to me.

She also has lied to her the first time around dating, about numerous things ranging from small to big for no reason at all.

Hey indifferent, Why do you continue to hang out with her if you believe she is either abusive or has BPD (or both)?  LJ

Hello Indifferent28,

That's a whole lot of emotional energy invested right there in your friends relational status. I understand you are concerned about your friend and in turn upset about her choices, but not to the point where you felt the need to 'unfriend' her everywhere.

The beginnings of dating and relationships can often be fraught with emotional decision making coloured by desire and the unknown. Often rational people IME can become completely irrational when attraction and seduction enter their lives.

Let your friend make their own mistakes and maybe consider being there for them if things don't work out, or not if you feel unable to move past this.

Do you want to explore here what about it is upsetting you so much?

No  I guess I didn't really explain enough in the first post.

We've been friends for years. However after they broke up,  we began talking romantically and were basically flirting and on our way to possibly dating.

Then she out of nowhere went back with the girl who is very abusive. That's why I unfriended her everywhere. Because she was basically entertaining the idea of me and her romantically then randomly got back with the other girl out of nowhere.

I understand then that you feel upset at her choice because it felt like it might be you rather than the other girl who suddenly took your place with her. I'm sorry you feel hurt and sidelined.

Is this a friendship that is important to you and is it worth trying to salvage on the friends basis alone?

If it is then do that, but if not how can we help you move on?
What can we support you with going forward?

i don't think the friendship is salvageable at this point. Because after her "playing me" like that, I don't really want anything to do with her.

I am just wondering really how long does it take before the BPD behavior picks up again? I mean, i don't think it is something that will just be shut off for good. I guess they'd go through the honeymoon phase all over again.