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Title: BPD wife and drama at the end Post by: WildernessMan on September 15, 2017, 08:00:14 PM My wife and I are on the final leg of our marriage. I'm pretty confident in saying she has BPD although she's never been diagnosed. Our 21 yr old daughter has been however, so I know the symptoms. We also have a daughter, 17, and son 14.
She served me with divorce papers almost a month ago, which is something she did years ago. So this is a repeat. We reconciled back then, mainly because I sucked it up an swallowed my pride and "just took it" for 21 years. She wanted me gone already but I don't have anywhere to go and my attorney said to stay put until the divorce is final. So this brings me to my question: Does anyone have experience dealing with living under the same roof with a BPD spouse while a divorce is forthcoming? She has always been an angry person but is regularly so now. And she makes sure our kids are witness to her ugliness every chance she gets. Any pointers someone? Title: Re: BPD wife and drama at the end Post by: confused4now on September 15, 2017, 08:43:38 PM , sorry to hear your in the middle of H---... .I am going through this right now! I have only been with my husband for 5 years. We have done the break up dance many times, but I always took him back. We moved to a new state last year and bought a house (my family's money). He took off for a month right after we moved, I thought I was done too. He came back, but it has gone from bad to unbearable. I told him I wanted to divorce, and he needed to move. He flat out refused, said he was staying and I should go. I was livid since he did not put a dime down on the house and my family pays part of the mortgage.
I moved down stairs, I thought he would be so uncomfortable, he would move. No, he was actually happy. I tell you it was miserable for me. I was so angry at first, all we did was fight and he still would not go. Finally I got my emotions in check, started being nice. It helped, because I could see what was going on. The next two months broke my soul. I watched him happier then he had been for years. I was so painfully aware that I had been discarded. He just didn't want to leave a nice home. I has to witness every day the truth of the situation. He did not care how much it killed me, he was Blantyre using me for a place to stay, and taunted me with acting like a polite room mate . I finally got him to move. Since he moved out and realized I was divorcing him, it has been a nightmare. He got a false protection order and had me removed from the home, cut off my phone, internet, and car insurance. I have has NC since he moved, so we communicate through a family member. He seems ok with divorce, and is very concerned about what he is going to get. I think we have agreed. My point is, I had to stay too, but it just added so much more pain. Divorce is hard enough, people with BPD are unpredictable. I would bet it will be very hard, what she will do who knows. The only thing you might want to count on is it will be very hurtful. Myself I was already crushed, after all the drama, I am hoping to just survive. If I could avoided the last 2 months I would have, but I really did not have much choice either. Title: Re: BPD wife and drama at the end Post by: Turkish on September 16, 2017, 01:00:19 AM I lived with the mother of our kids for months before she could move out. Whatever the reason, I'd suggest learning the communication tools on the Improving Board (lesson 3). They helped me keep drama to a minimum while I negotiated a custody agreement.
This is tough. I'd like to hear more and how we can help. Turkish |