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Title: Constantly Lying And Mind Games Post by: Newyoungfather on September 22, 2017, 03:52:42 AM Hello Everyone,
If you have been reading my older post you may realized that I am finally filing the 3rd custody modification. Since then my BPDex just plays mind games. First she always mentions a bf in her life but then won't let me meet him. She will flat out LIE during mediation sessions and then when evidence is provided via attorney her negative advocate attorney makes up excuses for her behavior. It doesn't get her far as I have won every case. I'm curious however, does she lie knowing its a lie or it is just a defense mechanism and she does it without thinking. It is very frustrating for me as she has no accountability and the mind games are terrible, each week she has a new "idea" on what school and daycare my son will be going too. Some weeks he will be in the same daycare, the next he will begin home schooling, the next to a different daycare, etc. Anyone can help cure my brain right now would help as I am pass frustrated. Title: Re: Constantly Lying AND MIND GAMES Post by: Turkish on September 23, 2017, 02:01:16 AM From Understanding The Borderline Mother: some borderlines consciously distort the truth in order to prevent abandonment, maintainself-esteem, or avoid conflict. Others may lie to evoke sympathy, attention, and concern. From the borderline’s perspective, however, lying feels essential for survival.
She's doing what has worked for her in the past. I'm currently struggling with my ex's dissatisfaction with the kids' school. I've dealt with it for 3 years now, so I feel your pain. Title: Re: Constantly Lying And Mind Games Post by: david on September 23, 2017, 08:50:48 PM My ex was on the stand and was telling a major lie and I had no proof that it was a lie. I picked up a blank piece of paper and handed over to my attorney. Ex was watching. I simply said to him that she was lying and pointed to the blank piece of paper. A second or two later she had changed her testimony. My attorney realized what I did and after the hearing he said to do that whenever something like that happens again. That was around 2010.
Since then I have taken the position that ex always lies and I base my actions on what I think is best for our boys. We only communicate through email and I simply say what I am going to do. I never explain my reasons. If she asks for an explanation I simply repeat what I said. I didn't do that in the beginning and things were always difficult. She always found ways to disagree and argue. I would then try to explain again. The back and forth would go on quite some time. Now, I simply state facts and never call her on her bs. |