BPDFamily.com

Hi,
I'm looking for help.
My wonderful partner of nearly 8 years has inexplicably left me following a trauma she suffered at the hands of her 22 yo daughter several months before.
Her behaviour towards me swings from being full of kindness compassion and dare I say it love to cruelnees anger frustration and at times hatred.
I sometimes feel at times one "persona" of her will not happy satisfied until I'm dead and indeed I have been close to suicide in several occasions.
I had to walk away a couple of months ago and suggested a two week break. This I turned into a month then got back in touch. There seemed to be a new sense of understanding and a want to be friends. Two weeks later we met three times in 4 days ( at her request) and had the most joyous time I've had for six months. A week later the messages shortened or stopped a few deep and meaningful but calm talks and walks wee had. I though a new era of mutual understanding. But then the resentment anger and hatred returned and once again I've had to say goodbye for the moment. I'm v torn as to whether to get back in touch. I'm emotionally destroyed ATM and probably need to self care but feel the key to my well being is inderstnading her and why she did this.
A startling revelation occurred when attending a mental health champion training session at work and hearing about " rescuer complex" and then reading on here and other sites about BPD. Pieces fell into place in a startling way.
Not just with me but with several other important people in her life - daughter , ex- husband, previous bf with who she has a weird and enduring friendship - him very much as the victim and her as the rescuer. I was not vulnerable ( to my knowledge) when we met but she has turned me into a victim in many ways and first assumed the rescuer role and lately the persecutor.
Any suggestions or shared experiences greatly received.
Thanks

Hi newable,
I am sorry you are going through...
You are really at correct platform... we can understand what u feel really... you are not alone...
We all have that rescue fantasy but before we should so strong n take care of ourselves

Hi Ford,

WElcome *welcome*,

Sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. So you currently are not in contact with your pwBPD. Did she intitate the NC or did you?

While you are separated I'd highly suggest you begin learning as much about BPD as you possible can. The more knowledge and understanding you have of it the better you will be able to see how to best approach her when/if she returns. We have a lot of great workshops on the right side of the page that can help you begin to work on yourself. YOu mentioend that before you met you felt like you didn't have a lot of issues with  being a rescuer. Hopefully some of our workshops can help you begin to get back to that place.

To get you started here is one of our workshops on the  The Dos and Don'ts of a BPD relationship (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62266.0)

I would like to join the others in welcoming you.

Self-care is really important. And, as TH said, learning all that you can about BPD will help reduce some of the pain and stress involved.

You said that you had to walk away again when the raging resumed. Perhaps we can help you see other ways of handling those types of situations in the future so that you won't feel that walking away is your only option.

What you are describing when you talk about the victim, the persecutor, and the rescuer is the Karpman Drama Triangle (https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle). Learning how to escape that is one of the things that I'm talking about.

I look forward to reading more of your story. Let us know how we an best support you.