BPDFamily.com

I have always had a hard time telling a lie. My left eye usually twitches or my bottom lip does something funny. I cant see my lip so I dont know what it does. Thats supposed to be funny. I feel a good mood coming today.

Anyway my BPD wife wanted me out of the house when she served me with divorce papers in middle August. However my attorney said to stay if I didnt have anywhere to go. My wifes attorney said, in the divorce filing, to maintain paying the bills I normally pay. With that I cant afford to also go out and get an apartment. So stay I did.

Anyway, early in the week my attorney called and said my 21 year old daughter, whom also has severe BPD, stated that I "stood in front of her talking to her while only wearing a T-shirt. No pants." This was a complete fabrication from thin air. How can a person justify such a lie? I could never fabricate such a story against someone else.

So we have a little court meeting on Oct 17. It will just be me and my attorney, her and her attorney, and someone appointed by the courts to mediate. My attorney says this will be when my BPD wife "stirs up a mess". I cant wait, as I have a few things to say myself.

I expect my wife to bring the kids, since she loves to put on a good/dramatic show. The show will mostly be for our kids, to drag me through the mud so they can see it. She has been doing this type thing with them since they were old enough to understand her words. By the way, the term for this is PARENTAL ALIENATION (PA). I found that term on this site just last week and have been doing further research. Apparently it's a common practice with parents suffering with BPD whom have children and a spouse.

The thing I want to convey here is this: Stay calm. Be patient. You will survive it.

If your daughter is to be a witness, then your lawyer will probably make sure she doesn't sit in the peanut gallery with popcorn throwing peanuts, she ought to be sitting outside.

In my county the hearing rooms were small, only the involved parties were present, all others sat outside in the lobby area.  Other courts may not keep it that restrictive.

One perspective to use as a legal rebuttal is that this is posturing or "sour grapes" after the divorce process started.  (In other words, if this was a real issue then it would have been reported prior to the divorce filing.)  That these unsubstantiated claims are just to leverage you into a financially difficult situation.  You can't afford to pay for two residences.  That is the reality you need to stick with.

Hmm, you could offer to move out if she was required to pay the bills.  However, the downside is that even if you got that written into an order, the providers (utilities, mortgage lenders, etc) could still come after you if the bills weren't unpaid.  Unfortunately domestic courts are terrible about not enforcing the financial aspects of their orders.

During my years in and out of court I noticed that very little fazed the judge.  (But one time I did catch him resting his head on his arms in exasperation, my ex even claimed she blocked my midwinter vacation with my son because she wanted to observe that Jewish holiday Kwanzaa.  Gasp, she didn't even know Kwanzaa was not a Jewish observance.)  My point is that you may have many valid issues and incidents to report but much of it won't rise to the level of getting the court's concern.  The person behaving poorly seldom gets much in the way of consequences and the person behaving well seldom gets much credit.

ForeverDad - Good points.

Hopefully my daughter will remain outside the courtroom until she's needed as a "witness". I bet my wife is hoping for a big courtroom show, but I hope she is prevented from having one.

As for my daughter being a witness against me; Since she's had all sorts of problems with serious BPD herself in the past and just recently, I doubt her false claim will hold much water. She'll have no credibility as soon as my attorney presents that. If it had to be done, there are numerous school councelors and teachers who can vouch for her deep troubled mind. All documented.   

For anyone in my situation - Stay calm and cool. It will all work out and you'll find peace.