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Title: Over Everything, but still trying to make sense of it Post by: Veryconfuseduk32 on October 03, 2017, 02:34:32 PM It's been a while since I posted on here but I'm happy to say I'm over everything with my ex, but I'm struggling to make sense of everything that happened. If you haven't read my other posts, I work with my BPDex. I was very depressed during the break up and I wanted to stay friends with her - although I, in the end, decided against staying friends with her. It's been hard but it was the best decision, I've maintained no contact for a couple of months (apart from responding to one or two texts and helping her with one or two work things when she asked) and I am finding it easy to keep to no contact and don't feel tempted to talk to her.
I am finding it hard to make sense of one main thing. A couple of weeks ago I found out that she had been sleeping with a married guy at work who she always said was her best friend and had been before I got with her, while I was with her and after we broke up (even when she had a new boyfriend). A few people told me this but mainly the guy himself gave me a lift back from work and asked me how I was, asked if I was actually with her - apologised telling me she promised him I was just her friend - then told me what happened. I found out that after we broke up and after I stopped talking to her she threatened to tell his wife that they'd been sleeping together and caused a lot of trouble for them. Finding this out really didn't bother me in the slightest. I felt relieved that I got out when I did and in many ways it gave me closure over the relationship as I'd felt as though I'd done something wrong to cause the break up. The reason I'm struggling to make sense of everything is because I can't believe that someone could lie in the way she did over everything. I especially can't believe that she could have been as close to his wife as she was for a long time lying to her while sleeping with her husband. I feel as though I actually never knew her. I'm not sure what I want from posting this, but I just needed to get it out somewhere! Title: Re: Over Everything, but still trying to make sense of it Post by: Harley Quinn on October 04, 2017, 07:48:27 PM Excerpt The reason I'm struggling to make sense of everything is because I can't believe that someone could lie in the way she did over everything. I especially can't believe that she could have been as close to his wife as she was for a long time lying to her while sleeping with her husband. I feel as though I actually never knew her. When honesty and openness is a core value of ours, it can be extremely difficult to understand, accept and make sense of how another person can be untruthful. This seems so alien to us and I can totally relate to your feelings on this. At the same time, eventually we must accept that there are differences between people that we sometimes will never truly understand. Some behaviour is simply learned. As I learned and realised so many things following my breakup it also felt to me like I never really knew my ex. This is hard, as we've invested ourselves in something that then seems to have been built on mistaken beliefs. When this is raw and new, it can be very confusing. It diminishes the worth we'd placed on the r/s and can make us feel like we've been taken for a ride. Over time though, this feeling fades and we can instead draw upon the experience for all the lessons it holds for us. What would you say you've learned about yourself during your healing so far? Love and light x |