BPDFamily.com

Hi all, quick catch up, I left my BPD diagnosed gf, of 3 years, at the end of April this year. I walked out and then few days later when she tried to pull me back I said no. After all the ups n downs, break ups n make ups, I'd had enough. It was hard and very upsetting. I didn't go no contact and 2 weeks later, I txt her n she told me she was with someone else now. It was a terrible hurt but a relief at the same time. There was no going bk. Anyway, I had to deal with new guy to get my belongings from her flat and garage. I had about 500pounds worth of stock stored in her garage. She had blocked me and only communicated to me through the new guy. It must have been humiliating for him. And that's what I want to say... .Im still healing, still have anxiety and depression, but I know I am healing, I feel better, been told I look healthier. And my mind is getting tons better at not "going there" if u know what I mean. But I had a thought,,, they're now engaged and she's had her implant taken out so they can have kids,,, she 36, never worked,,, been in loads of relationships, cheated, been arrested, she emotionally abused me and physically abused me half a dozen times, one time after head butting me and splitting my nose, she tried to get a knife out the drawer,,, to do,,, I don't know what. I grabbed her n stopped her. My point is she ain't changing over night for this new guy. She could very possibly, end up stabbing him! She might have his kids and absolutely ruin him. Take his house, his car,,, I'm not going to contact him or anything, and to be fair, when I met him he said he knew she had problems. He said he did too. I'm worried for him and any of our BPD/NPD's new sources of supply. What do u guys think? X

Ps, stay strong brothers n sisters. We can heal and will heal, they probably will not. Love yourselves xx

I wish my ex well. She's older now, married, and I hope more secure in her relationship. I'm sure they have struggles. Many couples do.

I wish me well, too. I dated for 10 years before finding a solid relationship for myself. I'm older now and more secure in my relationship.

Oz, your experience seems close to mine. I am a firm believer in not fighting back against physical attacks from a woman. When I had my scary moment with the xBPDw who picked up a butcher knife, I had my sister-in-law right there to deter her. That obviously could have been fatal.

My x's replacement is marrying her after maintenance ends, I predict in March. I met him, seems ok to me however at this point in the game I could care less about what she will inevitably do to him, it's my D11, D9 and S8 I only care about.

I have them most of the time but she will gradually get more as she deceives everyone into believing she is now becoming mother of the year by attending bible study and many12 step programs. Please note I am a believer in both programs along with people who believe that this can help, she is doing this for the pure optics. She is as mean as ever and getting meaner. Her pasts includes multiple arrest, convictions and DCFS safety plans. I am waiting on the most recent FOIA request from the local police, there could be more.

I am absolutely certain the x has lied with all of the BPD tools of the trade of devalueing, splitting, projecting etc. Her new victim, the R, is the knight in shinning armor, the co-dependent, her savior and he will do anything to keep the idealization and sex going with her.

So no, I don't think I would alert your replacement to anything.  She will just use her charm and convincing ways to make you look bad. You know what's coming, it's a rerun with different actors, go make yourself your own movie with a new NON lading in that starring role.

I did worry a great deal at first, because of the DV and the impact on my son and I.  Especially if the replacement had children.  Even wrote a post here and it became a long thread.  The input I got was very helpful indeed.  I'm past it now.  Even if we tried to do the right thing by warning others (and that could be a lifelong task... .) it's unlikely we'd be listened to.  My ex did a great job of painting an awful picture of his ex so she was the last person I'd have listened to had she approached me with a warning. 

I let it go and accepted that we all have our own journey to take.  We each have to have these experiences ourselves and learn from them.  In some cases, emotionally healthy partners will decide early on that the r/s is not for them.  Others will be more compatible.  Either way, it doesn't play on my mind now.  It was a stage I went through and leaving that behind signified progress to me, as my need to rescue others including total strangers to me was becoming less of a factor in my life as I began to rescue myself instead.  People will make their own choices.  I'm not without compassion, just choose to focus on making healthy choices for myself now.

Love and light x