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Is it common for a PWBPD to get stuck on 1 subject to where it seems to consume them? In my experience it's always something negative.

Example: BPDbf didn't receive a package and the company informed him it was on back order. I am very well versed on the contents of what he ordered so he asked my opinion on what should be done I hesitantly told him what I would do ( and he did it... .he got a reply from the company rather quickly he thanked me because his emails had gone unanswered previously. Well fast forward a day and he decided that their response wasn't good enough. They said they can send out part of his order and the rest would be sent as soon as it became available. So he goes on and on and on about how it isn't fair (which he hates that word when I say it) and saysh e paid for something and they need to give it to him. I validate and say I understand this is frustrating and why it's frustrating. I keep my responses minimal and try to be as validating as possible. He just keeps going on and on and on it's hours a day about this and he gets told it's shipped that's still not good enough... .

Is this a normal thing? I love him to death and i'll never tell him this because it will trigger him into saying extreme off the wall things like "wow i'll just never tell you anything again" but I get so sick of hearing it... .I love talking to every chance I get because our schedules are so hectic and we live far apart but I can honestly say it's the 1 thing that makes me want to find a reason to hang up... .I try to ease into another subject and it works but without fail it gets brought back to the issue he has

My H does the same. I'm never really sure exactly what to do in these scenarios. All I can really do is validate and listen. I'll try to swing the subject around to something different, but it's like he just gets stuck. I think for my H it has to do with him being out of control of something and he is trying to figure out how to get control back. And since there is no real solution it just runs on a loop through his head.

I have yet to find a way to help him get out of his obsessive thoughts. They just have to run their course. I have noticed that if my H can get some physical activity in these thoughts tend to become less of an issue, but it doesn't stop it.

Yes, this sounds very familiar. But not just from BPD persons - my husband, who suffered from depression, told me sometimes it felt as if his thoughts were on a carousel and kept repeating themselves and he couldn't stop it. UBPD friend has said the same.

Lol- yes!  And often exactly the same trigger - a late package.  And get this - H often won't even check tracking and can't tell me the exact day he ordered it.  But he ordered it, it's a rip off not to have it, it's lost, it's gone, they owe him for his time... .

And yes, about other topics as well.  I call it going down a rabbit hole because he seems to spiral worse and worse unless I can change the topic or end it somehow.  Left unchallenged, he would go on for hours about his old job, anger with his family (his mother and sister), negative feelings about his appearance, lots of things.  I think it may have to do with his emotional recall.

He can't remember events well.  I can.  I have a quasi-photographic memory, and it sucks.  If I was not able to turn off my thoughts most days, I'd go crazy because it's like watching a movie.  As a child, my defense was to dissociate from the feelings in the memories, which meant I could recite the facts of an event with little emotional content.  My brain made it feel like it was someone else.

For H, he relives the negative feelings of an event, even if the facts are fuzzy, as if it was happening for the first time.  He got his feelings hurt 20 years ago?  He can relive that and still get just as mad about it as if it just happened.  Me, I seem to have a (healthy or not) ability to usually throw those feelings in a closet until I feel it's okay to bring them back out, and time = distance for me.  So the wounds are there, but not as deep.

Bascially, I try to catch the rabbit before it goes down the hole.

Like I get stuck on situations (like the 1 I have mentioned so many times) and I allow it to consume my thoughts but I don't talk about it 24/7 mostly because I know it won't do any good  glad to know i'm not alone though I just play a game on my phone or continue doing stuff at work and let him vent and rant... .

What is crazy to me is that my BPDbf can go on and on and on about this stuff that really has no real impact on anyhing but the minute I bring up something in depth he shuts down and gets moody and says he's over loaded... .he told me today i'm the first person that can ever just make him completely shut down... .I said yep I'm also the first person that had ever given a crap about why you think or feel the way you do and I point things out... .he actually agreed... .I was shocked I was preparing for a rage  

My boyfriend is the same way with remembering things he always seems to relive the negative and bad... .I went through his phone 1 time almost 2 years ago and it's really the only thing I've done to "break his trust" and he will throw it in my face every chance he gets... .he says "even though you found something it's not ok you're intrusive and a bad person" I laugh at it now and he's stopped saying it... .

I also have MS and he will try to play off of that sometimes... .and say you're lying I didn't say that you have MS so you can't remember I set a very strict boundary that he will NEVER use my illness against me again