BPDFamily.com

My daughter was just diagnosed and there is a mix of relief and anxiety now about what the future holds. The main issues we have is that she is a chronic liar and she steals. I am beyond frustrated and so tired of dealing with her repeat offenses. No consequences, rewards, talk therapy, help her correct her behavior. Since we are so new to the diagnosis, what books do you all recommend to jump on this asap? She is reading, "I hate you, don't leave me." I am currently reading, "Stop walking on eggshells" but there isn't too much parent-child specific information. Thanks for your help :)

Falicia13 - I feel your pain trust me. My daughter was diagnosed at 18. She is 21 now and still struggles but not as much. She lied, she would steal same as yours. Also always in conflict with peers in school.

Drugs and alcohol was also an issue.

She was a cutter and threatened to kill herself a few times.

The advice I have is dont argue with her. Just makes them worse.

Hello Felicia13 and welcome.

I am a somewhat battle-scarred, more aged Mom.  Our daughter is now 51.  Our problems started when she was 12 and first ran away.  We had no one with whom we could share because none of our family/friends were experiencing what we were going through.  At the time she was just considered to be a head strong child but much of what she did, we kept to ourselves. 

We went through many years of trying to figure out how to handle her and how to deal with our heartache.  One day a counsellor told us of a book she had heard of... ."I Hate You, Don't Leave Me."  I tracked it down and as I read, I cried.  It was written about us... .our daughter! 

These are different times.  Your daughter has been diagnosed early and I feel you are getting a head start. Her abnormal behaviour has been given a name and while there are no immediate answers, there is much more information available now... .and support available.

While our daughter has gone to many counsellors over the years, none have ever been the kind of professional that are capable of diagnosing BPD... .but the traits are there.  Sadly, we have not yet achieved a happy ending in regards to our relationship with her. 

With that said, I do offer one piece of advice and that is to make sure you look after yourself... .something that took me a long time to learn.  That doesn't mean I abandoned my child, quit being her parent.  I finally looked at myself and knew I had needs that had to be fulfilled if I was to continue to be an effective parent.

Recently I read an article on "Resiliency"... .the ability to face a situation, deal with it the best you can then move on with life.  No matter what you do (and always feel confident in knowing you are always doing the best you can!), your child will be the one to make choices... .the good ones and the bad ones.

I so wish you well as you continue on this journey.  You've come to the right place to find support and I hope comfort in knowing you are not alone.   Believe me, you can find strength and life can be okay... .if you let it.