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Title: Suggestions needed Post by: Odelia on October 11, 2017, 06:21:35 PM My adult daughter(age 31) has gotten herself into quite a fix. She is about to be evicted. The electricity has been turned off. She is trying to move from one job to another (again). Every day when she calls there is some kind of crisis. But what is really breaking my heart is that she was stopped by the police speeding 20 mile an hour over the speed limit. She was also uninsured with false plates on her car. Her now has a trial date coming up and she is looking at possibly being in jail for 90 days. I am devastated and don't know if I should just offer her emotional support and let the consequences do their teaching or more than this. Unfortunately, i have given her money in the past to bale her out due to her reckless spending which was not too smart on my part. But we are at the place we are today and am just trying to figure out how to have as healthy relationship as possible without enabling or rescuing. Many people tell me to just back off and let things take it course. She could end up homeless. Any input would be appreciated.
Title: Re: Suggestions needed Post by: Turkish on October 12, 2017, 01:06:11 AM It's hard to deal with this. You have the means to rescue her from her poor choices, as you've done, but she keeps making the same poor choices.
I rescued my BPD mother from her poor choices for many years, and she kept making poor choices. Finally, I didn't, and she was evicted from her home. From my view, that not being the consequence would have been easy to not be the result. From her view, another thing together. I could comprehend her view, even of I didn't agree with it, but I could only do so much before I had to let it go and let the chips fall where they did. She is an independent entity, free to make her own choices, as my T said about my Ex. I apply this to everybody now. It's not up to me to be The Fixer. Excerpt Natural consequences are the experiences that naturally follow a choice or behavior. For example, going out in cold weather without a coat naturally leads to feeling cold. Logical consequences are consequences chosen to follow behaviors that violate the acceptable behavior within a family or other group. This may be hard for her to comprehend, that she's choosing to engage in behaviors which lead to logical consequences. However, it might be that she needs to learn this the tough way. What do you view are your options here? |