BPDFamily.com

First I know my ex has anxiety/depression, sexually assaulted, never good enough as a child for her father and she told me she would push me away. I did not see any lash outs, I saw a need for space and some frustration. I could physically feel her fall out of love with me even though she tried for another few weeks. Then she got counseling after a self harm episode. After the counseling she said she was not fit to be in a relationship because she could not give me what I deserved. I never felt the devaluing, but there is so much about the whirlwind and other traits that led me to this. She even said she wants to be friends if that is possible. I can't be sure, but I do believe she is seeing someone else (50/50). But lately the contact has become more like a reach to get me to notice. I defer every time. The last three days she has called me. I wanted to see what this next step was all about. She just wanted to talk about her obsession with something one night, the next night was about her wanting to fit in with an inner circle of the good ole boy network, and the forth was to talk about how impressed she was at something she did at her job. She is getting counseling and it has been a few months (I am too, but I have figured out my negative impact to the relationship). Am I setting her back or is she trying to keep hooks in?  I know this isn't a lot of specific information, but I can't figure this as it seems to be very superficial and I have never felt devalued, let down and shocked? Yes, but not devalued out loud. If anyone has seen this or thinks I am barking up the wrong tree with borderline, I would greatly appreciate it.

She sounds more NPD. Have you researched that?

She could be a quiet borderline, not all pwBPD act out, some act in, they internalize their anger / hostility instead of directing it externally.